Haaland & Gabriel - BFFs? Xavi Simons' Resting Sad Face. Lazy LinkedIn Liam. (MW #34)
Sam's Army
Samuel Army
4.6 • 1.6K Ratings
🗓️ 21 April 2026
⏱️ 54 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
PREMIER LEAGUE: City's win over Arsenal feels like a title decider and Erling Haaland + Gabriel Magalhaes = enemies or frienemies? Leeds, Forest and West Ham know they are in a relegation battle -- unlike Tottenham. Most incredible statistic of all time about LinkedIn Liam's Chelsea squad. Nobody has checked out harder than Newcastle.
HALFTIME: What If we lived in a fascist dictatorship... who on the pod would be the best and worst dictator?
ROUND THE WORLD: US Open Cup feels extra chalky this year and spiciest MLS Minute on record
STOPPAGE TIME: Ivan Toney's Best Bets and GOAWs
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | The The All right, everybody, welcome back Sam's Army Match Week 34. |
| 0:30.6 | We got a lot to talk about. |
| 0:31.6 | We're going to start with the Premier League, |
| 0:33.8 | where we'll discuss deja vu for Arsenal, |
| 0:37.0 | Spurs Nightmare Crystallizing, and Lazy LinkedIn Liam. |
| 0:42.2 | Half-time will be a fascism-related weekly. |
| 0:44.9 | What-F? We'll actually get to it this time. |
| 0:46.9 | Round the world, it will be spicy, extra-spicy MLS Minute from the Minuteman himself, |
| 0:52.2 | and then stoppage time with Ivan Tony's |
| 0:54.3 | best bets and everybody's favorite segment go is now time to welcome in this week's panel of beauty |
| 0:59.7 | starting with mr. Tyler nathaniel tarrins uh the top play-by-player announcer in the united states |
| 1:05.8 | according to me and fox um so Tyler your I actually think I may have asked you this at what time in the past, but I'm |
| 1:12.6 | going to ask you it again. |
| 1:13.5 | How often do you get your hair? |
| 1:14.6 | Wow, this is a throwback. |
| 1:15.8 | This is when this is like apartment number two in Chicago out of three the first time |
| 1:19.5 | you asked me this. |
| 1:22.0 | It used to be every two weeks when I was on camera for the Chicago Fire every, every game. |
| 1:29.9 | But it's, it's gone down. |
| 1:31.6 | It's gone to like maybe once a month. |
| 1:34.2 | Is it just laziness? |
| 1:35.7 | Yeah, I just, I just don't care anymore. |
... |
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