I am Ischlene Kaur, a BBC journalist and a passionate yoga teacher.

The story I'm about to tell you is deeply personal.

Trigger warning first, this episode contains graphic sexual references.

For me, it all began in November 2014.

For the first time I stepped out of the comforts of my own home

to move into a yoga community or an ashram.

It's a place where people live together to grow and evolve spiritually.

So this one that I went to was the Shivenanda Yoga Ashram in the South Indian state of Kerala.

It was in the middle of nowhere in an undisturbed forest overlooking a lake, over 300 strangers living together.

And not to forget the dozens of mosquitoes that were giving us company.

Over time, my bond with the organization became much stronger,

and its people became my family.

Fast forward to December 2019.

Shevananda and I were over. Like a fragile house of cards,

my whole world came crashing down, all because of one Facebook post.

This is a story of faith and devotion, also a story of betrayal and pain a story that broke my heart

My roles were deeply confusing, student, secretary, mother, some would even say like daughter.

One time I could actually smell fear coming off me.

I wanted him to die. I wanted him to die for my sake.

You're listening to Guru on the BBC World Service.

This is episode one, living a lie.

Sir Lou. one living a lie. Sir, love, give, purify meditatory a lie. The voice you hear is Swami Vishnu Devananda, the founder of Shivananda Yoga.

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