Gurometer: Teal Swan and Scott Galloway
Decoding the Gurus
Christopher Kavanagh and Matthew Browne
4.2 • 1.2K Ratings
🗓️ 18 March 2026
⏱️ 19 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
In this Gurometer double bill, Matt and Chris break out the much-sought-after Gurometer™ to score Teal Swan and Scott Galloway across the 11 recurring guru traits. In one efficient episode, we compare cosmic-certified spirituality with secular man-talk (and a surprising amount of puffer-jacket merchandising). As a bonus, get ready to thrill at Matt's eternal puzzlement at his own simple binary question of 'guru-osity'.
Links
The full episode is available for Patreon subscribers (51 mins).
Join us at: https://www.patreon.com/DecodingTheGurus
Gurometer: Teal Swan and Scott Galloway
00:00 Back to the Gurometer: Teal and Scott
02:33 Galaxy Brain-ness
04:18 Cultishness
05:25 Anti-Establishmentarianism
08:31 Grievance Mongering
10:55 Self Aggrandisement and Narcissism
14:30 Cassandra Complex
18:03 Revolutionary Theories
21:49 Pseudo-Profound Bullshit
26:07 Conspiracy Mongering
28:50 Excessive Profiteering
36:25 Moral Grandstanding
40:33 Overall Gurometer Score
41:27 Rapid Fire Bonus Guru Points
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | I'm Hello and welcome to the coding the guru's Gerometer edition. |
| 0:30.6 | You thought it was gone. |
| 0:31.6 | You thought it had ended into the midst of time. |
| 0:34.6 | No, it's back and it's a double Bill Ma. It's a double bill. |
| 0:38.7 | Scott Galloway, you don't escape the thermometer. |
| 0:41.4 | You will be entered. |
| 0:42.7 | And you're joined by T.S.1, perhaps, |
| 0:46.8 | will be a useful comparison point for him. |
| 0:49.4 | But, yeah. |
| 0:51.1 | I mean, basically two very similar characters. |
| 0:53.7 | We'll just do a two-fowar, right? They can get the same scores. |
| 0:57.8 | Basically the same kind of people. Yeah. Not really. We forgot to do Scott Galloway or our thing's got in the way. Maybe we didn't forget. Maybe we just had, you know, all their stuff to do. In any case, we're here and we're ready to do it. |
| 1:13.5 | And the Gorometer, for people who don't know, Matt, what is the grometer? |
| 1:17.3 | When I put you on the spot? |
| 1:19.1 | What's a garometer? |
| 1:20.5 | Well, it's much like the Borg. |
| 1:21.7 | It just absorbs entities and integrates their distinctiveness into the collective. |
| 1:28.8 | That is that a fair description? |
| 1:30.3 | Yeah, yeah, that's it. |
| 1:31.7 | For those who might not be Star Wars Geeks, it's the scoring that we give the gurus on |
| 1:38.3 | 11 factors that we find recurrent. |
| 1:40.8 | One to five, we score them. |
... |
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