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Greensboro

If you don't know about Greensboro, it's a town of about 30 people, a steeple, a few chickens,

a barbecue trailer, and one cat named Wampkis.

Wampkis had a special way of looking at me, kind of like he wanted to kill me.

Jamie, my wife and I stayed at a nearby bed and breakfast because my wife believes hotels

are oversized litter boxes with poop on the sheets.

The couple next door to us is from New Jersey.

At breakfast, we couples could hardly understand each other speak.

Every time my wife spoke, they exchanged confused glances.

And since I happened to speak fluent hand gestures, I agreed to serve as the translator. But whenever I tempted translation, my wife would

swap me and say, you're mumbling again, dang it. And so I'd look at Wampkus, whose expression

never changed. We learned that the New Jerseyans were miserable up north.

They hated the gray skies, the cold winters, and the crowded suburbs,

and even though they didn't say as much, I suspected their Yankee food was objectionable, too.

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