Ms. Fitz Toys.

Doug Hates, candy wrap, or screaming, maybe sticky seats with 50-as-and-pop, or hurdles in his teeth.

There's still not one that he won't seek or go away.

Hey, everybody.

Until minutes ago, I lived in darkness.

I meant to say seconds. They just turned the lights on.

So good to see everybody. It's so much more helpful for me if I can see what I'm doing up here.

Let me get my little prepared comments out and get this thing going.

Are you guys ready?

My name is Doug and I love movies.

A few of you got off the rails, but most of you were right on schedule.

Coming to you once again from Helium Comedy Club on Sunday, September 8th, 2013.

It's the eighth, right?

Let me see your name tags, Philadelphia.

There's a giant, Cory with this giant fork, her giant fork, sorry Cory.

You know, movies, I assume, all Cory's are men.

Bob Roberts is a movie, and you wrote that on a piece of paper.

Is that your actual name, Bob Roberts?

Okay, this guy, why did I start talking the most boring looking name tag?

Like he would have something interesting to say.

Like look over there, a Doug's life. It's like a bug's life.

And is your name Doug? Yeah, there you go.

...