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Don't Mom Alone Podcast

Grace Based Discipline :: Karis Kimmel Murray [Ep 150]

Don't Mom Alone Podcast

Don't Mom Alone Podcast

Kids & Family, Leisure, Parenting, Education

5 • 2.3K Ratings

🗓️ 27 January 2017

⏱️ 66 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

I know I should parent with grace (a.k.a. “unmerited favor”). But I struggle with how to combine grace & discipline.

When a little guy smacks his brother upside the head, I don’t want to ignore it or explode over it. But I could use some help with alternative responses to be “my best when my kids are at their worst”.

This week’s guest, Karis Kimmel Murray, grew up in the original grace-based home. Her father, Dr. Tim Kimmel, literally wrote the book on grace-based parenting.** As a mom to two girls, Karis knows the challenges of showing both unmerited favor and appropriate boundaries. Particularly since one of her daughters has been diagnosed with ADHD. (I adore reading parenting books by moms who get it!).

In this episode Karis and I talk through some practical ways to approach misbehavior, like her “Basket Method” and “The 10 Year Rule”.

“Those behaviors come from your child but they don’t define your child. It’s not who they are it’s what they are doing right now.”

We also talk about discovering how each family member is wired, using their Kid’s Flag system. And being clear about the rules and expectations in your home. Not making household preferences on par with Biblical/moral law. Her analogy of being a calm “first responder” will stick with me.

Fortunately, Karis has written all these tips and concepts down in a very relatable and hilarious guide called, “Grace-Based Discipline”.

What we chat about:

  • The 10-year rule
  • The theology of parenting
  • Legalism vs. License vs. Grace
  • Karis’ fun “mathematician” analogy
  • Handling discipline crises like first responders
  • The Basket Strategy
  • What does atonement have to do with discipline?
  • What country flag does each family member fly?
  • Clarifying family rules
  • Differentiating household rules from moral/Biblical rules
  • Karis’ daughter’s diagnosis of ADHD and how it impacted discipline
  • The level of offense and the “sushi menu” of consequences

Links Mentioned:

**Amazon Affiliate Link

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Hey y'all, you're listening to episode 150 of The God Center Mom Podcast with me, Heather McFadian.

0:09.5

And today I'm welcoming Kira's Kimmel Murray to the show. She's the author of Grace Base Discipline.

0:15.2

And here's a little excerpt of her talking about her basket method.

0:19.2

When I often use this and I want people to know that this doesn't have to be in the moment

0:26.0

for this to be helpful to, you can do it retroactively. So let's say you've had a really hard day.

0:32.7

And you're just kind of wheeling from a day full of behavior from one of your kids or several of your

0:39.6

kids that has just made you nuts. And you're laying in bed at night and your mind is just racing

0:45.2

through all these things. Go through each of your kids one at a time and imagine doing this.

0:51.7

Think of the things during that day that just sets you off. And that's the only criteria.

0:57.6

Like we don't need to do anything else at this point. We just need if it bothered you so much

1:02.9

that you couldn't think and it lit up your emotions, it goes in the basket. And we take it and we

1:08.2

put it on a shelf and we come back and we look at our kids so that we can reconnect with your hearts.

1:15.4

Okay, maybe you're like me. You're in this generation that knows we should be parenting with grace,

1:20.3

but you don't know how to realistically execute that grace when you're about to pull your hair out

1:26.6

in those hard, hard parenting decisions. And do you just let them get away with their bad behavior?

1:33.6

What does that look like practically? Well, Keras is here to help. She grew up in the original

1:39.2

Grace-based parenting home. Her dad is Dr. Tim Kimmel and he and her mom started the family matters

1:46.2

ministry. And I love Keras because she's my contemporary. We're raising kids around the same time.

1:53.2

And she remembers she's doing it. She's living life. She is not so far removed from the struggle

1:59.0

of parenting that she's not relatable. She's also hilarious. And she knows what it's like to have a

2:05.2

child that's outside the box, kind of like my interview with Sally and Nathan last episode.

2:11.1

Her daughter is diagnosed with ADHD and in that diagnostic process, Keras realized she also

...

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