I'm sorry, you can sit there and look and play with all your silly machines as much as you like.

Is Gas going to have a crack?

Yes, you know.

Oh, he's there!

Brilliant!

But gee! He's round the goalkeeper, he's done it!

Absolutely incredible!

He launched himself six feet into the crowd, and Kung Fu kicked a supporter who was eyew

without a shadow of an out giving him lip.

Oh, I say! It's amazing.

It does it tame, and tame, and tame again.

Frank of the music! Chargerglass!

This nation is going to dance all night.

There are a surprising number of words to do with being the unfortunate one between the sticks.

There's goalkeeper, keeper, number one, goalie, custodian, glovesman, sticksman, netminder? Ah, we'll leave it to David

Sieman to intro the episode. This is all about the crazy, crazy world of football. Coaches

plan for hours, players practice for perfection, but there's no accounting for a moment's madness that leads to the ball finishing in the net, or a top player missing a goal that your granny could score.

There are many of those mad moments coming up.

Brought to your ears by the Athletic, this is football clichés.

Joining me for this one about the art of goalkeeping, first of all, Charlie Eccleshare.

How are you? Good. How are you?

Yeah, I'm not too bad. Rate your goalkeeping skills.

...