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Women at Work, wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to the HBR IDEAcast from Harvard Business Review. I'm Sarah Green-Carl.

Asking our colleagues for help brings out all sorts of fears, of being rejected, of being liked less, even of looking dumb, which is why we might not do it even when we really need help, or why we might

act weird when we do ask. Like, I find myself apologizing for even asking, and I have a friend

who tries to convince people that helping her really will be so much fun.

And our guest today says, actually both of these approaches and a few others are wildly ineffective.

Anything we accidentally do when we are asking people for help that makes it feel

controlling in some way that makes them feel like they're being manipulated in some way

is going to actually sort of spoil that sense for them

that they're choosing it of their own accord. Heidi Grant is a social psychologist

and the Associate Director of Columbia Business School's Motivation Science Center.

Her latest book is Reinforcements, How to Get People to Help You.

And I should disclose that I edited the book, I'm happy to say.

She's here to talk about the right way to ask for help at work.

Heidi, thanks so much for talking with us today.

Oh, it's great to be here, Sarah.

Why is asking for help so hard?

One of the biggest obstacles to asking for help is simply that we don't actually think we're going to get it.

You know, what the research shows is that people are on average about twice as likely to help us as we think they are.

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