Get What You Need At Work (Without Making It "About You") with Stew Friedman

The Anxious Achiever

Morra Aarons-Mele

Business, Careers, Health & Fitness, Management, Mental Health

4.7 • 599 Ratings

🗓️ 6 January 2026

⏱️ 65 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Asking for what you need at work wasn’t an accommodation, but a leadership skill. In this episode, I sit down with Stew Friedman, the pioneer of Total Leadership and founding director of Wharton’s Work-Life Integration Project, to rethink how we approach work, life, and leadership. We talk about why so many high performers feel guilty asking for flexibility, time, or support and why leaders who understand their whole lives are actually better, more sustainable performers. Stew also breaks down the Total Leadership model, which centers on being real, being whole, and being innovative to create what he calls “four-way wins” across work, home, community, and self. Get ready to stop asking for permission and start leading your life with intention. Check out our sponsors: Northwest Registered Agent - Protect your privacy, build your brand and get your complete business identity in just 10 clicks and 10 minutes! Visit https://www.northwestregisteredagent.com/achieverfree Shopify - Sign up for a $1 per month trial, just go to shopify.com/anxiousachiever Cozy Earth - Give your home the luxury it deserves. Head to cozyearth.com and use code ACHIEVER for up to 20% off. Express VPN - Secure your online data today. Visit expressvpn.com/achiever and find out how you can get up to four extra months. Talkiatry - Head to talkiaitry.com/achiever and complete the short assessment to get matched with an in network psychiatrist in just a few minutes. Working Genius - Take the working genius assessment today and get 20% off with code ACHIEVER at working genius.com In this Episode, You Will Learn 00:00 Why asking for what you need at work feels like an accommodation. 06:00 How work, home, community, and self must work together. 10:00 Why self-knowledge is the foundation of sustainable leadership. 17:45 What “four-way win” experiments look like in life. 22:15 Why flexibility works best when framed as mutual value. 27:30 How leaders unintentionally block agency on their teams. 32:30 What is the biggest mistake people make when asking for support? 38:30 What mental health and leadership have in common. 43:30 Why different minds require different leadership models. 49:00 What makes us whole? Resources + Links Learn more about Total Leadership Org HERE Get a copy of my book - The Anxious Achiever Watch the podcast on YouTube Find more resources on our website morraam.com Follow Follow me: on LinkedIn @morraaronsmele + Instagram @morraam Follow Stew Friedman on LinkedIn

Transcript

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0:00.0	Give your home the luxury it deserves.
0:04.2	Head to cozyearth.com and you can use my code Achiever for up to 20% off.
0:09.6	Secure your online data today.
0:12.3	Visit expressbpn.com slash achiever and find out how you can get up to four extra months.
0:19.8	Don't wait.
0:20.6	Protect your privacy. build your brand,
0:22.9	and get your complete business identity in just 10 clicks and 10 minutes. Get more. Visit
0:28.8	Northwest Registeredagent.com slash achiever free. Shopify makes it easy and Shopify grows with you. You can sign up for a $1 per month trial. Just go to Shopify.com
0:42.9	slash anxious achiever. Just head to tachiatry.com slash achiever and complete the short assessment to get
0:50.7	matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes. That's tachiatry.com slash achiever to get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes. That's tachyatry.com slash achiever to get matched in minutes.
1:03.3	Having been in the work redesign space for many, many years, I'm still surprised by how often
1:10.3	we approach asking for what we need to truly
1:14.7	be total leaders. It feels like we're requesting a favor, an accommodation, instead of creating
1:23.4	mutual value. So today on the show, Stu Friedman, the inventor of total leadership, is going to help
1:30.4	us reframe how to get what we want and what we need at work in order to live our whole lives.
1:37.9	I'm Maury Arens-Milly, and this is the anxious achiever, the show that looks at the intersection
1:42.9	of mental health and work and leadership
1:44.9	and asks, how can we do it all better? Before we dive into my conversation with Stu Friedman, who was the
1:53.5	founding director of the Wharton School's leadership programs and its work-life integration project,
1:59.3	former head of Ford Motors Leadership Development Center,
2:02.2	and truly sort of the catalyst for how we think about work and life today.
2:08.7	One of my heroes, you can tell.
	...

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