My mom's a bitch and my dad's an A-hole.

That was going to be my speech for their 50th anniversary of my dad, Kai Bosch.

I explained myself and he said, what I do is I start out offensive and then people get

to know what I mean by bitch when I mean my asshole and then it's really schmaltzy at

the end.

And he goes, absolutely not.

What can I swear?

No.

I think dad, that's the most of my stories, going to top stories involve fuck you and asshole.

And he goes, well, you'll just have to come up with a different plan.

I understand what you're saying, but these people are in their 70s, Gavin.

Yeah, so they were born during World War II.

So their childhood was seeing pictures of the Holocaust.

I think they can handle some rude words.

And he goes, no.

So I gave up speech that was censored.

It was pretty good.

But it could have been a lot funnier.

And his speech sucked.

In fact, when I got off out of the car at the airport, I said, all right, bye dad, love

you.

Sorry about your speech.

...