4.7 • 5.1K Ratings
🗓️ 26 February 2019
⏱️ 60 minutes
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This one’s all about my vacation where I hung out with some of the fattest people in the entire world. Yikes! America we have a serious obesity epidemic and it appears to be getting worse. Why are you on a Rascal at Disney World? Because walking makes you tired? Yeah, that’s the point. Walking isn’t your enemy, the Rascal is.
Anyway, I took the family to Mets Spring Training in Port St. Lucie as well as Magic Kingdom, Animal Kingdom, Universal Studios, Volcano Bay, and Island of Adventure in Orlando. It was pretty fun but I think being a New Yorker may have ruined my personality forever.
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0:00.0 | I just flew back from Disneyland and boy are my arms black skinny sausage things with big huge fat white gloves on them that have three fingers. |
0:14.0 | That's not a very snappy pun is it? There's no more doing those. Those have been done to death. And what I don't mean like their old news, I mean, you're never going to get better than I just flew back from a Transformers convention and boy are my... |
0:30.0 | arms tires. The other one what was close to that was after Katrina where George W. Bush got in a helicopter and he said I just flew back from checking out the damage that was done in rural Louisiana and boy are my farms my. |
0:46.0 | I heard. After that the mic is dropped and it's time to get on with your life some guy emailed me recently and he said I just flew back from Pamela Anderson's house and boy are my. |
1:00.0 | Barbs wired. It's got to be an arms thing arms have to be tired you can't just have have words that sound the same although I guess farms my it is nothing to do with arms. |
1:13.0 | I can't explain why the Pamela Anderson one doesn't work but it's just wrong. Oh speaking of comedians Brody Stevens hanged himself recently and I thought it was a good opportunity to remind everyone that comedians lead miserable lives and the irony of their vocation is they get up on stage and they tell you how to live your life and everything you're doing wrong and how stupid everyone is and how lame everything is they love to preach I've noticed this with millennia. |
1:42.0 | So I've noticed this with millennials there was giving me advice especially about my career and how I have to go back to compound I shouldn't start my own thing and CR TV was a bad move and it's people that can't spell it's people who are in college spelled C O L L A G E totally uneducated people with no life experience can't wait and I called it Millennial explaining on YouTube because that's what it is we really are doing. |
2:11.0 | We really are doing great for confidence as far as young people goes and just just about everyone you know this non-bullying experiment is not. |
2:21.0 | Pand out very well I was just like an article a second ago that said all bodies are perfect well no no mine isn't. |
2:30.0 | And coming back for I didn't just go to Disneyland I went to island adventure universal studios animal kingdom magic kingdom spring training with the meds. |
2:41.0 | So three three three or four different resorts and then the baseball. |
2:48.0 | And boy oh boy or Americans fat no all bodies are not beautiful some are dying fucking dying even my son my oldest son said why is everyone here so fat at least in New York they're just normal fat like dad. |
3:05.0 | And I was talking to Ryan about this a second ago why are men never included in this all bodies are beautiful so it's fat dying woman how about a big fat pig with a big beer belly holding his big gut with a Budweiser t-shirt on saying all bodies are beautiful. |
3:23.0 | Because men know that they're not beautiful we know when we're fat we know when we're fat pigs I'm about 25 pounds overweight by the way I'm an ugly guy wrinkly I look like a hairless cat with tons of hair I'm like a hairless cat and a homeless man at a baby and that baby's dying of obesity. |
3:43.0 | And I am David Beckham at these fucking water parks and I just I want to go to this one woman she looked as turd it as a balloon you know when you do that that thing where you squish your face and you go out she'll be that was her face she looked like she was hung upside down and then someone stuffed one of those bicycle pumps up her ass and just just just get |
4:07.0 | pst pst pst pst pst pst pst she was gonna pop I wanted to go up to her the thumbtack and just go poof and then I watch her just go |
4:18.5 | And then when she finally landed she'd just be skin and a normal person but she had a little boy with her who was maybe eight lady you're not just different it's not like you have a shaved head or a mohawk or too many tattoos or other unfortunate choices you are dying you're not |
4:37.0 | going to be there for your little boy didn't we just have a model a plus size activist die of old age at forty five or something like that look up her name it's child abuse I mean if you were doing heroin and you had kids people would go like |
4:55.6 | Phillips Seymour Hoffman what a fucking dick it's one thing to be a junkie like my uncle Alan was a brutal alcoholic but he never had kids and he drank |
5:03.9 | himself to death without hurting anyone that's sad but it's not that wrong I mean I guess it's a sin what's your name her name is Joanne |
5:16.2 | Borguella is she like black Hispanic she looks to be yes she doesn't even look that fat wait it seems like that was a oh she lost her |
5:25.6 | battle with breast cancer to that might not be my Amber Davis yeah that's that's right that's a fact we're not sitting here |
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