Hey everybody, welcome to another episode of Relationship Theory. I'm your co-host,

Tom Bilio. I'm here with my beautiful wife, Lisa. We're about to answer your questions.

What's up, baby? What is up? It's dive right in.

All right, so the first question is anonymous. Okay. My girlfriend still has not

adopted a growth mindset and it is very difficult to cope with it because now that I have a growth

mindset, her way of thinking is conflicting with mine. Things I practice now that I did not before

are goal settings, meditation and gratitude. I've exercised all my life. I only do and believe

that which moves me towards my goals now. I don't hang out with anyone besides my girlfriend because

I'm that focus on achieving my goals. Things that bother me, she focuses on the negative, slacks in

the gym and nutrition. There's not have goals, a morning routine or any kind of structure.

She often ends up studying for her tests last minute. I do want to say that I love her, but how do I

know that these are the things that she can potentially change about herself because I cannot see

myself with her for the rest of my life if she does not make these changes? How can I approach her

with this without trying to sound superior? Am I being selfish? Wow, a couple really interesting

things there at the end. First of all, I love it that he is concerned about approaching this in

a way that he doesn't sound superior. I think that's really smart and you want to speak in a way

that people will actually hear you. I think that judging your communication by whether the person

hears is the right answer. Great point. Then not wanting or asking if he's being selfish, I think

is a very smart thing to ask. I will say that in some way he is being selfish and I think that

it's absolutely right to be selfish. I think that if you don't carve out that space and say that

these are my non-negotiables, you end up in a world of hurt. Being honest about where he's at is

critical, being honest with himself and her about where he's at, talking through in a non-judgmental

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