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Hello, we are transmitting to you from our present,

which we can only assume is your distant past,

the turbulent time that was the early

21st century. Fearing the great cataclysm that will surely befall our civilization, we began

this monumental reference of strange and obscure human knowledge. These recordings represent

our attempt to compile and preserve wonders and esoterica that would otherwise be lost.

Whether you're listening from an advanced civilization or have just reinvented the technology to decrypt our transmissions, this is our legacy to you.

This is our time capsule.

This is the omnibus. You have accessed entry 520. g.g.0615. Certificate number 35593.

General Mills.

General Mills presents.

Hello, Alex.

Hello, John.

So, as listeners to our Get to Know Me,

addenda episode will know,

your comedy writer and TikTok superstar based in Los Angeles.

Niche famous.

...