From People Pleasing to Self-Trust: Breaking the Cycle of Fawning with Ingrid Clayton

The One You Feed | Personal Growth, Emotional Resilience & Purpose

Eric Zimmer, The One You Feed

Buddhism, Mental Health, Education, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness, Religion & Spirituality

4.5 • 2.7K Ratings

🗓️ 3 February 2026

⏱️ 68 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this episode, Dr. Ingrid Clayton explains how to start moving from people pleasing to self-trust and breaking the cycle of fawning, which is the compulsion to appease others to stay safe. She shares her personal and clinical insights on how fawning develops, its impact on self-identity, and the challenges of healing. Dr. Clayton also discusses therapy approaches, the importance of self-trust, and practical steps for breaking the fawning pattern, emphasizing the value of curiosity, self-compassion, and gradual, body-based healing in reclaiming one’s authentic voice and boundaries. Exciting News!!! Coming in March, 2026, my new book, ⁠⁠⁠⁠How a Little Becomes a Lot: The Art of Small Changes for a More Meaningful Life is now available for pre-orders!⁠⁠⁠⁠ Key Takeaways: Discussion of the trauma response known as “fawning” as a coping mechanism. Exploration of the challenges of setting boundaries for individuals who fawn. Examination of the differences between fawning and other trauma responses like fight, flight, and freeze. Personal stories illustrating the impact of fawning in childhood and adulthood. The importance of nervous system regulation in healing from trauma. Clarification of the distinctions between fawning, people pleasing, and codependency. The role of self-awareness and body-based practices in recognizing and addressing fawning. Discussion on the complexities of healing and the individual nature of recovery journeys. Critique of common therapeutic advice and the need for trauma-informed approaches. Emphasis on the importance of self-trust and curiosity in the healing process. For full show notes: ⁠⁠⁠click here⁠⁠⁠! If you enjoyed this conversation with Ingrid Clayton, check out these other episodes: How to Break the People-Pleasing Cycle and Set Healthy Boundaries with Terri Cole How to Set Boundaries with Nedra Glover Tawwab Conversations for Radical Alignment with Alex Jamieson and Bob Gower By purchasing products and/or services from our sponsors, you are helping to support The One You Feed and we greatly appreciate it. Thank you! This episode is sponsored by: ⁠David Protein ⁠Try David is offering our listeners a special deal: buy 4 cartons and get the 5th free when you go to ⁠davidprotein.com/FEED⁠⁠.⁠ ⁠⁠Hungry Root⁠⁠: For a limited time get 40% off your first box PLUS get a free item in every box for life. Go to ⁠⁠www.hungryroot.com/feed ⁠⁠and use promo code: FEED. IQ Bar: Text FEED to 64000 to get 20% off all IQBAR products, including the ultimate sampler pack, plus FREE shipping. (Message and data rates may apply). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Oh, man, I don't maybe feel like I have a choice. What if I can't set a boundary, right? Some of the
0:05.6	hallmarks of really chronic fawning is like boundaries don't just feel hard. They feel literally
0:11.3	impossible. The stakes feel so high in our bodies. It feels like life or death.
0:25.5	Welcome to the one you feed.
0:30.2	Throughout time, great thinkers have recognized the importance of the thoughts we have.
0:35.7	Quotes like, garbage in, garbage out, or you are what you think, ring true.
0:40.1	And yet, for many of us, our thoughts don't strengthen or empower us.
0:47.6	We tend toward negativity, self-pity, jealousy, or fear. We see what we don't have instead of what we do.
0:53.0	We think things that hold us back and dampen our spirit. But it's not just about thinking.
0:55.9	Our actions matter. It takes conscious,
1:01.8	consistent, and creative effort to make a life worth living. This podcast is about how other people keep themselves moving in the right direction, how they feed their good wolf. How many times have
1:09.4	you said it's fine when it wasn't? For me, only about 100,000 times. Not because I
1:16.0	wanted to be dishonest, but because somewhere in my nervous system, honesty felt unsafe. Today I'm
1:22.2	talking with Dr. Ingrid Clayton about fawning. The trauma response that can look like people pleasing on the outside,
1:29.2	but on the inside is really a strategy for staying safe, especially when fight, flight, and freeze
1:35.7	are not options. She shares a personal story that makes fawning unmistakable. We unpack why it can be
1:42.4	so hard to even see you're doing it, and we talk about why
1:45.8	the goal isn't becoming tougher or more independent. It's becoming more connected to your own body,
1:52.0	your own truth, and your own choices. I'm Eric Zimmer, and this is the one you feed.
1:59.0	If you've ever put your phone down and felt better almost immediately, and then picked it
2:04.1	right back up 10 minutes later, you're not alone.
2:07.1	Researchers around the world are finding that social media is making us less happy,
	...

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