Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. I've been in a crowded London street. I've seen a magpie and I've just scratched my head of it. It's a very low-key salute. Just something between me and him. Frank Skinner. See, when I got back from Blackpool, I had a ukulele badge on. They gave me a badge. It was a ukulele leaning on a lamp post. Oh, that's attractive, yeah. And she said to meet badges, we're going to have to talk about that. Badgers? No badges. There were two badgers in the living room. Both in stockings and suspenders. Frank, you know, you wouldn't get this, would you, on the Today program? The old Allum Key debate? No. To help with it.

Maybe the one show. Yeah. Oh, it would be a VT. It'd be a special VT. History of the Alam Key. It'd be Phil Toffelot at the Alam Key Museum in Stockport. Frank Skimmer. We could put that to our listeners this week. Who would your least want to be on a Des Island with? I think Phil Spector would be hard work, wouldn't he?

Phil Spector.

Or just the wig issues. He'd create a wall of sound as well. Well, I said we all would have to live on fruit. Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio. Do you know that Bowie wrote Golden Years for Frank Sinatra? Is that right? Yeah. Do you know that Elton John wrote Tiny Dancer for Wayne Sleep? No, he'd be kept down under his hat. Frank Skimmer. I presume you've talked about it was not getting the World Cup this morning, have you? Have we not got it? Oh, sorry to break this to... No. Sorry, sorry. Sorry, I've taped it. I haven't had a chance to watch it back. Oh, right. I've got your medical results here as well. I said, how you spell chlamydia? Frank skimmer. I'm wondering, you know, if I can take on a boat. I had that thought only yesterday. I thought one of those that very, very slightly revolved, not Spam. went round like the London eye when you hardly know it's moving. You have to really concentrate on a pod for, say, two or three minutes. Frank Skimmer. Matt Cardle. He's been a bit naughty. With the makeup lady as well. He's done it with a lady. The great thing about it being a makeup lady is if you're a bit flushed, you can say, you know, just pounded me down before I... But what I like is that normally...

Did she have a bit of a kiss and cardal?

Oh, my good.

Thank you.

Frank Skinner on Absolute Radio.

Don't mix April Falls pranks with PMT.

Oh, dear.

It's a very, very dangerous cocktail, right?

And what happened was, when I got up on whatever morning it was, was it Thursday morning, April

Fall Day?

Yeah.

But anyway, I got up.

I told my girlfriend that I'd been offered a series on Channel 4 with Got Quorn.

That is quite a good April 4.

In which, I suppose, a lot of you listening, tried the same thing on your girlfriends.

I, um, and I said it was called Would You Wear That?

Does you really say this?

Honestly, yeah.

And I said it was a programme in which I went out into the streets of Britain with Got Quorn,

...