Finding Love Would Mean Letting Go of Who I Am

Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

Esther Perel Global Media

Mental Health, Society & Culture, Self-improvement, Education, Health & Fitness

4.7 • 15.6K Ratings

🗓️ 4 November 2024

⏱️ 58 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

He's been searching for someone for so long that he questions if he's actually looking for a unicorn. He wants someone who holds the same religious values as he does. As is often the case with Esther, the conversation that unfolds breaks down what's really underneath his seemingly high demands. This episode contains references to sexual abuse, please take care while listening. If you have an individual question you would like to talk through with Esther, please send a voice memo to [email protected]. If you would like to apply for a couples session with Esther, please click here: https://bit.ly/40fGHIU. Esther’s two new courses on desire are now available inside The Desire Bundle. Go to https://www.estherperel.com/course-bundles/the-desire-bundle to learn more about Bringing Desire Back and Playing with Desire. Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Many times I say, you should have a conversation about that.
0:05.0	Have you spoken to this person about this?
0:08.0	And what stands out is how difficult some conversations feel.
0:15.0	There is such charge around them.
0:17.0	There's a sense that they will derail, that they will unleash anger, that
0:22.0	they will be filled with misunderstandings, with assumptions. And as we are going into the
0:28.9	holiday season, and we're going to be with a lot of close family members and friends
0:35.0	and loved ones and people with whom we have agreements and disagreements about a lot of issues.
0:41.3	This question about how we have difficult conversations, I want to explore it with you.
0:46.3	I want to have a series of sessions, each one looking at a difficult conversation.
0:52.3	And so I hope that on the podcast, we can have some of these conversations that we can't
0:59.6	have at a dinner table or that we've been wanting or imagining or fantasizing.
1:06.0	So some of these conversations can almost serve to you as role play. Let's try it out in this imaginary
1:14.9	sphere and this virtual space called the Where Should We Begin podcast and see where they take us
1:22.2	and then see if they can be transferred in real life.
1:41.3	In this following session, we discuss sexual assault, and I want you to know this before you listen.
1:54.6	Hello Astaire. I'd love to have a conversation with you about the intersectionality of culture, faith, community, sexuality, fantasy, and romanticization.
2:01.8	My very existence feels as though I'm sitting on a fault line,
2:07.2	and it feels like staying atop it means that there is the threat of it crumbling at any given moment.
2:15.3	I'm a gay Muslim man with a deep-rooted connection to my culture, traditions, and
2:22.0	Arab legacy. I value my religion. I practice my faith regularly. I feel spiritually connected to God,
2:30.2	and I align my life to the values embedded in my faith.
	...

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