'Fight Right' analyzes how to communicate and connect through relationship conflicts

NPR's Book of the Day

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Arts, Books

4.2 • 671 Ratings

🗓️ 20 February 2024

⏱️ 11 minutes

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Summary

Julie Schwartz Gottman and John Gottman know their fair share about relationship troubles — they're clinical psychologists who specialize in couples' therapy, and they've been married for more than 30 years. Their new book, Fight Right, breaks down how to navigate conflict by understanding communication styles, assessing wants and needs, and looking for positivity in any approach. In today's episode, the authors offer NPR's Andee Tagle some step-by-step advice on finding connection through any argument.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	Hey, it's NPR's Book of the Day. I'm Andrew Limbaung. You ever been hanging out with a couple
0:07.1	and then they start kind of bickering and arguing about something and all of a sudden the vibes
0:12.1	get, you know, bad and weird? That's what I imagine Julia and John Gottman's day-to-day is like.
0:18.2	They're world-renowned researchers and clinical psychologists famous for their work
0:22.4	on couples therapy. They've also been married for more than 30 years, though they've got some
0:27.6	practice navigating conflict, which is the topic of their latest book, Fight Right, how successful
0:33.3	couples turn conflict into connection. Conflict really has a purpose, and the purpose is mutual understanding.
0:41.1	NPR's Life Kit spoke with the Gottman's about why it matters how you fight and got some
0:46.8	tips on how you and your partner can get something productive out of a fight.
0:51.6	That's coming up.
0:53.2	In the U.S., national security news can feel far away from daily life.
0:58.0	Distant wars, murky conflicts, diplomacy behind closed doors.
1:02.6	On our new show, Sources and Methods.
1:04.5	NPR reporters on the ground bring you stories of real people, helping you understand why distant events matter here at home.
1:12.2	Listen to sources and methods on the NPR app or wherever you get your podcasts.
1:17.4	How you fight matters a lot more than you might think.
1:21.3	The Gottman's new book, Fight Right, details the keys to successful conflict found in couples that master love.
1:27.8	A couple that stays together and pretty much likes one another over time, and they're
1:33.4	pretty satisfied with the relationship. That's a master.
1:36.8	Versus a disaster, which is a couple that typically has really terrible conflicts and grows more and more distant and more
1:48.5	unhappy. So we don't want to be disasters, but the great thing is that disasters can become
1:56.5	masters simply by reconfiguring how they talk about their conflicts and become more connected.
	...

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