FBI’s Top Hostage Negotiator: The Art Of Negotiating To Get Whatever You Want: Chris Voss

The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett

FlightStory

Society & Culture, Business, Education

4.6 • 13.2K Ratings

🗓️ 30 May 2022

⏱️ 61 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Chris Voss is the former lead negotiator for the FBI, and the author of Never Split the Difference, a book about how to negotiate and how to get what you want from other people which has sold millions of copies worldwide. He has handled practically every high stakes crisis management scenario imaginable. What is unique about Chris’ technique is he emphasises seeing negotiation and deal making as a partnership, not a battle of wills. You only get what you want if you make an effort to understand what the other people really wants, and help them to understand what you want to. Making deals isn’t possible without a base of human-to-human connection. In this conversation Chris opens up about a number of different type of dynamics we have to negotiate in our daily lives, from romantic relationships to friendships. We also get the inside scoop on what it’s like to handle some of the toughest situations, from bank robberies to hostage crises, anyone can imagine. What he learnt is that managing relations with other people is really about trying to help them, and all of us can do with a little of the help Chris brings us in this conversation. Follow Chris: Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/thefbinegotiator Chris’ book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Never-Split-Difference-Negotiating-Depended/dp/1847941494 Books mentioned: Start with NO...The Negotiating Tools that the Pros Don't Want You to Know - https://www.amazon.com/Start-Negotiating-Tools-that-Pros/dp/0609608002 Follow me: https://beacons.ai/diaryofaceo Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Two of the three remaining hostages were killed and they were shot by friendly fire.
0:04.1	That was the first time that I'd worked anything where people had gotten killed.
0:07.6	Former FBI kidnapping negotiator,
0:10.8	best-selling co-author of the founder and principal of the Black Swan Group.
0:14.1	I'm Chris Voss.
0:15.7	How important is it generally in negotiations to listen?
0:19.7	Whether it's business or law enforcement.
0:21.9	If I take the time to really hear somebody out in our first deal,
0:25.8	then every deal after that will come to me faster. It's critical.
0:31.0	I'm so compelled to ask you, like, what is the cost that we don't get to see of your job?
0:34.0	You know, you get really wrapped up in your work, and I think you tend to become distant in your personal life.
0:42.0	The closer you are to someone,
0:44.0	sometimes you just, it's really harder for you to see things from their perspective.
0:50.0	The truth sometimes is a knife to the heart, right?
0:52.0	Like you go through a... The truth sometimes is a knife to the heart, right?
0:53.4	Like you go through a traumatic event, are you traumatized by it and never recover?
0:59.1	Or is there post-traumatic stress growth?
1:01.4	When you took that and decided to be better than you ever were before because
1:04.9	you never want to let that happen again.
1:09.7	So without further ado, I'm Stephen Bartlett, and this is the diary of a CEO USA Edition. I hope
1:15.7	nobody's listening but if you are then please keep this yourself. Chris you've lived a extraordinary life for many many reasons which I'm sure we're going to go into.
1:33.3	But I guess my first question is, what do I need to know about your upbringing, your early years, if I am to understand the man you are today?
	...

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