Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm Bayliffe Jesse Thorne. We're in chambers

this week to clear the docket. And with me, as always, is the legend himself, Judge

John Hodgman.

You put a lot of heat on that intro.

Well, you know, I like to come in hot.

I love it. And because I'm excited too, because this is one of our very special kinds of

dockets that we get to do from time to time, juvenile court, we get to hear the complaints

of children. And we don't have children on the regular show. We did once a father took

his own daughter to court because he wanted to order her to talk to her hero, Eugene

Merman. And that was very touching and wonderful. And I was like, it'll never happen again.

I got kids in my life. It's because Merman turned against children. No, Merman. He was pro

before. Now he's very, no, he's very pro child. He's extremely wonderful.

One of the nicest guys, one of the great parents of the world. And you know, when you're

a parent, I don't look kids. I'm glad you're listening. But I got my own kids to talk to.

My kids aren't kids anymore. But you know what I mean.

I got too many kids in my house, although on the plus side, yeah, my five year old just

discovered a fast potion. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what? This is incredible. It makes

you fast. But let me just for liability reasons, I want to mention this. You don't drink the

fast potion. Right. You pour it on your feet. Oh, wow. It quickens your feet. Yeah.

Franky is carrying this potion around in a max fund water bottle with the max fund rocket

logo. Right. It's from a max fund drive some years ago, I think. And we'll not accept

that it's a max fund logo insists with absolute conviction. It's a NASA bottle. Mm-hmm.

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