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Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Family Systems Theory: The Invisible Force That Runs Your Relationships

Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Being Well

Education, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.82.7K Ratings

🗓️ 9 March 2026

⏱️ 83 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Have you ever walked back into your parents' house and suddenly felt like you'd downloaded an old version of yourself? In today’s episode, Dr. Rick and Forrest explain why through one of the most influential frameworks in psychology: Family Systems Theory (FST).  FST argues that hidden rules govern the behavior of the groups we’re a part of, and when you know the rules it’s easier to see them in action. Rick and Forrest explore how systems replicate patterns of behavior, place people into specific roles, and manage anxiety through shifting alliances. They close with how we can become differentiated by building a stronger sense of self. Topics include balancing closeness and distance, triangulation, specific roles like the “golden child,” FST’s non-pathologizing stance, the intergenerational transmission of patterns, and building strong relationships outside the system. This episode includes references to self-harm. Key Topics:  0:00: Intro 2:19: What’s Family Systems Theory? 12:01: Overview of big concepts in FST 18:50: Family roles 25:19: How anxiety moves through a family system 36:42: The “identified patient” 46:51: Balancing compassion, agency, and responsibility 51:11: How healthy differentiation can disrupt a system 57:48: How to become more differentiated 1:11:33: Recap  Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Grab Huel today with my exclusive offer of 15% OFF online with my code BEINGWELL at https://huel.com/beingwell. New customers only. Thank you to Huel for partnering and supporting our show! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0

Hello and welcome to being well. I'm Forrest Hanson.

0:09.5

If you're new to the podcast, thanks for joining us today. And if you've listened before, welcome back.

0:13.7

Today we're talking about something that I honestly cannot believe that we have never done a full episode on, family systems theory. Family systems

0:22.1

theory is a group of related approaches to therapy that emerged in the 1950s and 1960s, that

0:28.1

fundamentally changed how we think about behavior. At the time, the focus in psychology was mostly

0:33.5

intra-psychic. That means that it was focused on what was going on in an individual person's

0:38.1

mind. But clinicians noticed that a person's symptoms and their related behaviors seem to change

0:43.6

based on relationship context. In other words, what was going on around them. This was particularly

0:49.1

noticeable in families that were under stress. These days, most people take it as a given

0:54.5

that behavior is situational.

0:56.6

But at the time, the idea

0:58.1

that you should bring the whole family into the room

1:01.0

and focus on the relationships between them

1:03.6

was genuinely radical.

1:05.6

And it wasn't just that context mattered.

1:07.6

It's that the relationships themselves

1:09.7

had predictable patterns, and these patterns

1:12.2

had a kind of life of their own. And once you start seeing the stuff that FST talks about,

1:19.7

this is, I don't know, I'm like getting chills reading the intro right now, it is so cool. You cannot

1:24.3

unsee it. You start to see these patterns everywhere. And it is an incredibly

1:29.1

powerful lens to view ourselves and the systems we're a part of through. And it also might lead

1:34.7

you to reevaluate some significant stretches of your personal history here. So to help us learn

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