And now Fox Across America separates the winners from the losers.

Everybody wins. Everybody gets a trophy. No one is a loser.

Let's hand out some participation trophies.

You can take your trophy and show it straight up.

Welcome. Welcome. Welcome to Participation Trophies, a true crime comedy podcast.

I'm your host, Jimmy Fallon.

My guest this week is a Fox News contributor.

She is a legal mastermind.

She is the host of Crimes that Changed America on Fox Nation.

And she is one of the highest functioning alcoholics I know.

Emily Campano is here.

Hello, Emily.

Hey, for the record, I chose water for this recording right now.

Oh, let me just.

The beer that I was reaching for.

I chose water.

So there's a glass of water next to me, not the Pilsner that I started to reach for.

I agree.

No, and thank you for clarifying, and I should clarify, too, that I'm clearly kidding when I say you're one of the highest functioning alcoholics I know, because you're rarely high function.

But let's stick with it. No, the truth is, if anyone's listening for the first time, we make fun of ourselves on this show because I want everyone listening to always remember we're not punching down.

Like we're not judging any of these criminals.

If anything, we find them way too relatable, no?

...