So when you love me switch the radio on, so when you love me

From the Nerdist Theater at Meltdown Comics in Hollywood, California

Harman Town is in session

Please welcome the mayor of Harman Town, Jen Harman

Are you naming me Na Na Na?

Na Na Na Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na

I'm out of breath just give me a second. This is the definition of what is aerobic exercise because so close to what is walking as you get older and older. I want to start very quickly with a segment that's a favorite for everyone. It's called things that Dan Harmon is not allowed to complain about because it makes it sound like an asshole.

These are the things that when I complain about them reveal that I'm a narcissistic rich brick with a lower value system than people in Lebanon. I am a stupid fucking asshole. Alright. So you're not allowed to judge me because I said that. Okay, so I valet park my car constantly even if I don't have to.

I'll find, I'll just find someone to valet my car. There would be a parking space. I'm like, that's not good enough. That's not true. I'm actually kind of annoyed with the fact that in LA, like there's valet, you'll be there would be a parking lot and it's empty and then there's a guy in front that's like, I'm valeting your car. It makes me mad. But shit, seat now. I got a new note taking app. It's called cat, catch. Everybody just fucking.

Everybody just fucking cool it. We're going to get through this. We got it. We got a lot of shit to do tonight. Okay, item number one, things that I'm not allowed to complain about because it'll make me sound like an asshole. I pull up to the valet.

Well, one point A is your new application on your phone. That's your new note app. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not, it's not ever note anymore. Fuck you, ever note.

Alright, so I pull up to the guy at the valet station and this is happening now with increasing frequency as I have more and more to do and more and more sort of liquid assets, I would say. I would call it.

I'll get out at the valet station and the guy will go, are you eating here? Give me a half of his little Terry card and I'll go, yes, and then he'll start to get in the car and then I'll go, sir, sir, sir.

I have to come back now. Already the purpose of the valet is starting to be defeated. Time is running out. I got, I got, I got Zoey Dishonels to have lunch with. That's not true.

But then the guy is, sir, sir, sir, sir. There's a dollar on the floor of the car. I don't care. It costs $7 to park here. I got to tip you three and you, asshole. Take the dollar.

Alright, moving on. Yes, of course, there's dollar. There's a dollar on the floor of my car. It's called garbage. The economy's in the toilet.

Just put your gum in it, valet, man. It's a dollar. We're all dying. A dollar. I got to come back. What am I supposed to do? Because he gives me the choice, but you're coming back and grubbing for my dollar or going, like Tom Cruise and some weird man. It's yours.

Calling over my shoulder. Keep it, man. Okay, let's say it's a 20. 20, that's, I think that's cool. Yeah, it's 20 times a dollar. Don't argue with me. We don't have any time.

Next item. Things I can't, I'm not allowed to complain about. This one's, it takes too long to poop. We could just move on. It just takes too long to poop.

And I don't mean because I'm 40, but just because as you, well, it is because I'm 40 because as you get to 40 time, it becomes more valuable.

Like, so see the valet guy. Same thing. I'm just like, I'm becoming conscious of my mortality. I don't want to, I have to take a shit. I get it. God, I got, I got a, I got a poop to put in the toilet. I just want to get it done. And it's just like, I'm sort of sitting there and I'm like, come on, poop.

Are your poops longer than when you were, when you were younger? Are they, are they good? No, no, no, I've always been, this is one thing I've always been really good at. Like I just, I can, I can debate that right there because you gave yourself a hemorrhoid by sitting on the toilet too long.

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