Esther Calling - My Exes Exes Keep Ruining My Relationships

Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

Esther Perel Global Media

Mental Health, Society & Culture, Self-improvement, Education, Health & Fitness

4.7 • 15.6K Ratings

🗓️ 8 April 2024

⏱️ 53 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

A woman whose ex-boyfriend cheated on her with his ex girlfriend ends a perfectly good relationship because she can't trust how close her current partner is with his own ex. She wonders if two people can meet each other's needs without having to sacrifice a part of themselves and if she can ever move past her fears and let love into her life. Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to [email protected]. For the first time on the U.S. stage, Esther invites you to an evening unlike any other. Join her as she shines a light on the cultural shifts transforming relationships and helps us rethink how we connect, how we desire – and even how we love. To find a city near you, go to https://www.estherperel.com/tour2024 Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	So I was in a relationship with this wonderful person for about a year.
0:06.7	He was kind, sweet, genuine, loving.
0:10.4	We had a lot of beautiful experiences together and a lot of our relationship felt special and true,
0:17.0	but there was one obstacle that we couldn't quite figure out how to overcome.
0:21.0	When we first started dating, I learned that he is very close friends with
0:26.2	his ex-girlfriend and when I learned that I had disclosed him my previous relationship history which was that my ex-boyfriend had cheated on me
0:36.1	with his respective ex-girlfriend and we were both sympathetic to each other's circumstances and wanted to make it work.
0:45.1	I didn't want him to have to end or put restrictions on his friendship with his ex,
0:50.4	nor did he want me to feel uncomfortable. He assured me that it was a purely platonic
0:56.0	relationship and I believed him. But as our relationship developed I continue to learn
1:01.9	more about theirs and how large a person his ex was in his life and how closely their lives were intertwined.
1:09.0	And it was hard for me to see how I fit in his life and if our really... It was.
1:21.0	The discomfort in his life and if our relationship could ever be as important and intimate
1:18.0	as theirs was.
1:21.0	The discomfort I had with his ex-girlfriend made me very hesitant and very fearful.
1:28.0	We had a lot of discussions about it, but recently we decided to end the relationship because neither of us could see a way to move forward.
1:39.0	So my question is, in this relationship or in any relationship, how can two people meet each other's
1:48.1	needs without having to sacrifice a part of themselves?
1:52.3	And how can I in future relationships move past my fears and
1:58.0	truly let someone into my life the way I really want to. Support for where should we begin comes from the Hidden Brain podcast. If you've ever tried and failed,
2:25.0	to stop texting your eggs or to leave that last cookie on the plate,
2:29.0	you already know that we have a lot less control
	...

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