Hi Esther. Um, I find myself in a really difficult moment. I have just separated from my life partner of about six years. And we had frozen some embryos together about four years ago.

And long story short, I'm 40.

The time has come to sort of begin to talk about actually getting pregnant and having the baby I've made very clear over the years that I'd like to get pregnant in my 40th

year.

Kept pushing it, pet pushing it.

And he was not able to speak about it head on, literally not a direct. in my 40th year. Kept pushing it, pet pushing it.

And he was not able to speak about it head on,

literally not a direct conversation about it.

And over five months of couples therapy,

it was circular talk and semantics and I'm wrong about everything type thing when it was just really clear to me,

or it became really clear to me that having

a baby at 40 with the love of my life and my life partner shouldn't feel like a war. So since

separating things have sort of escalated and gotten quite activated between us.

And I now see, which I think other people saw before me, that actually having a baby with

this person in any way in any sort of co-parenting creative way is actually not possible.

And that these embryos are not going to be able to be used.

It's just not right.

It's not a good situation. I'm terrified. My question is, how do I not forgive him because there's no accountability as no

idea the magnitude of what's been lost in what's going on? But how do I forgive myself? How do I forgive myself for allowing my time,

which is one of the most valuable things I have? My timeline, my fertility, my femininity to be so

undervalued that I am in this situation where I feel like I've already sacrificed so much for

motherhood

...