Esther Calling - I Leave First So You Can't Abandon Me

Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

Esther Perel Global Media

Mental Health, Society & Culture, Self-improvement, Education, Health & Fitness

4.7 • 15.6K Ratings

🗓️ 5 May 2025

⏱️ 55 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

This week, Esther talks to a caller who often feels let down by her friends. She longs for deeper and more meaningful relationships and worries she is perhaps expecting too much from them. Together, they explore how the emotional responses tied to her past influence her current relationships with friends and her mom. Topic - Relationships with Family & Friends Esther Callings are a one time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther. They are edited for time, clarity, and anonymity. If you have a question you would like to talk through with Esther, send a voice memo to [email protected]. Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	I know nothing about you nor of the question that you send.
0:04.7	So shall we listen first and then if there's anything you want to add?
0:09.5	Sure. That sounds good.
0:11.1	Let's do that.
0:14.5	Throughout my life, I've met a great number of people, especially because I grew up in foster care.
0:20.4	I moved to the United States
0:21.8	when I was eight years old and ended up going into foster care when I was 14. And I've had to move a lot.
0:30.4	So I've gotten pretty good at just making friends or at least putting myself out there. But I have a really
0:37.1	hard time keeping friends.
0:38.9	Many times I end up leaving the friendships because I feel unfulfilled in them,
0:44.4	especially when I don't feel like the other person is reciprocating what I'm doing.
0:51.7	And I go above and beyond.
0:53.7	In the moment, I start to feel that this person doesn't do the same thing,
0:58.4	I just decide they're not worth being my friend.
1:01.4	And it seems to me that people today don't put the same level of effort into friendships
1:06.5	maybe as before.
1:08.0	And I really, really want deep friendships. I want close friends that I spend
1:14.1	time with, that we deeply know each other. But I feel like I have this problem where I just can't
1:19.1	keep friends. And perhaps it's my age. You know, I'm 37 years old. And many of my friends or
1:26.1	former friends have children. And maybe it's the time in their
1:30.8	life when they're looking for other parents. I don't have children. I have an amazing boyfriend
1:36.1	who listens to me complain a lot about my lack of deep friendships and he's really supportive, but
	...

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