Esther Calling - Are We Just Not Sexually Compatible? Part Two

Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel

Esther Perel Global Media

Mental Health, Society & Culture, Self-improvement, Education, Health & Fitness

4.7 • 15.6K Ratings

🗓️ 20 January 2025

⏱️ 52 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

For the first time in an Esther Calling, Esther speaks to the partner of the caller from last week to hear his perspective on the story. Then, she does a session with the two of them as they detail how they feel stuck in their sexual pattern, where he always initiates, but when he initiates, she freezes. They try to figure out where they can go from here. For the month of January, Esther is offering 20% off to join her Office Hours on Apple Podcasts. It's a place to continue conversations on important topics like sexlessness, infidelity or the perils of modern dating. It's also a place to follow up with couples and find out where their stories went. You'll also get an ad-free version of all the episodes. Want to learn more? Receive monthly insights, musings, and recommendations to improve your relational intelligence via email from Esther: https://www.estherperel.com/newsletter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	In this following session, we discuss sexual assault, and I want you to know this before you listen.
0:15.0	Last week, I had a session with a young black American woman who had sent in a question,
0:26.5	do I think there is such a thing as sexual incompatibility?
0:32.8	But as we started talking, it became very quickly clear that this was not really about incompatibility.
0:39.3	This was about her experience of rape and how she had found a way to re-engage sexually with her partner
0:50.3	by creating a script in which she was in charge of everything so that she would never again feel the passivity, the helplessness and the powerlessness that had marked that experience of rape that she went through.
1:06.4	And what you're going to hear now is my conversation with her current partner, who I invited to meet
1:12.6	with me because I really needed to hear his side of the story. How was all of this landing on him?
1:20.7	How much was he personalizing this? Because he kept being rejected. So how could he not think
1:26.3	this has to do with him or this has to do with her
1:29.8	rather than this has to do with what was done to her?
1:33.3	And so this is my conversation with him and it starts on the heels of my discussing with her
1:39.3	what has been the effect of this traumatic event on her current sexual intimacy with her boyfriend.
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2:22.4	Hey Harry.
	...

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