Escape Pod 850: Laser Squid Goes House Hunting

Escape Pod

Escape Artists Foundation

Fiction, Science Fiction, Drama

4.7 • 1.3K Ratings

🗓️ 18 August 2022

⏱️ 21 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Laser Squid Goes House Hunting By Douglas DiCicco "This one has everything on your checklist." I held open the front door of the four-bedroom colonial. It wasn't quite big enough for my client, who left greasy marks on the doorframe as she squeezed through. "We can always get that expanded for you. We work with some excellent contractors in the area." A shriek from the living room told me Cynthia Whitecrest, the homeowner, hadn't cleared out as I had politely but firmly suggested. I prefer to show a house on my own. The owners always think they're better salespeople than I am. "Hello, Miss Whitecrest," I said with my practiced smile, ignoring the shriek. "I'm sorry, I didn't think you'd be home. I'm showing the place to a potential buyer today. As I mentioned in my many texts." The last part was snarkier than I'd meant to be, but Cynthia was already on my last nerves. Cynthia cowered behind a tasteful sectional, white as a sheet. "Wh... wh... what is... that... creature...?" Oh no. She was going to offend the buyer. I needed to do some quick diplomacy. "Miss Whitecrest, let me introduce—" The client intervened before I had the chance. She dragged herself along the cherry hardwood floor, tentacles making a wet slapping sound with every movement. "You cower before Laser Squid, terror of the depths!"

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	Hey everyone, that was it here. Hope you're doing okay. The summer months are upon us,
0:05.8	which means two things. I need to wear more hats, and this is the part of our year when
0:10.7	cost to high and support tends to dip. We know, believe me, things are tight everywhere
0:17.3	at the moment, and unfortunately, that includes us. For those of you who support us already,
0:23.8	thank you so much. We hope you're enjoying the great new Cat's Cup
0:27.4	episodes, and all these super fun extrusions. If you don't support us, but you would like
0:32.4	to join them, we've got tons of options for you at both Patreon and PayPal. Even a one-off
0:37.9	that coffee makes a big difference. Or, if you're in the market for some sweet new summer
0:42.6	wardrobe, we have a new swag store courtesy of our amazing friends over at Void Merch and
0:48.7	the t-shirts are unbelievably great. It all adds up. It all helps. And it all helps us bring
0:55.8	you the best in free audio fiction every week. So, if you can't help out, please do. And
1:01.8	thanks, and do enjoy this week's episode.
1:25.8	Hello, and welcome to Escape Pod, your weekly science fiction podcast. I'm Valerie Valdez, your
1:54.6	host for this episode. Our story this week is laser squid ghost house hunting by Douglas
2:00.2	DeCico. This is an Escape Pod original, and is the author's first publication. Douglas
2:06.6	DeCico is an author of speculative fiction living in Clovis, California. He has worked as an
2:11.2	attorney, a teacher, and a renaissance fair performer. Follow on Twitter at Cevo Douglas.
2:18.3	Our narrator is Mer Lafady. Mer Lafady is an author and pioneer podcaster who has been
2:23.3	involved for the escape artist since nearly the beginning. After Sarah Ely FedEx to Browne's
2:27.9	to her as a bride to spread the word about this new podcast magazine format, she was one of
2:32.9	the founding editors of pseudopod, editor of the escape pod for a time, and then founder
2:37.5	an editor of Mother Ship's Ada, the quarterly easing for escape artists. She, along with
	...

Please login to see the full transcript.

Previous episode | Next episode

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Escape Artists Foundation, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of Escape Artists Foundation and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.