I turn over in the bed and pull the covers up to my chair when I hear the sign of your car pulling into the driveway. way. I squared my eyes against the sunlight and realize it's brighter than it should be.

You must be getting home later than usual.

I look over at the alarm clock and I'm surprised it's almost nine.

I hear key in the door.

I hear you walk in and set your bag and the thermus on the table.

I could up brush my teeth and piss before head into the kitchen.

As I'm off today we can have breakfast together before you go to bed.

I walk quietly down the hall because I want to sneak up behind you and startle

before grabbing you into my arms

and showing you just how much I missed you last night.

When I round the corner I stop. You look.

You look awful.

I can see it in your shoulders. The way you move, you look defeated.

I hate seeing you like this baby.

I hate that you have to have so many days like this now.

Shit.

I remember when you started this job,

you were so happy.

I see you.

This is what you always wanted to be

and you'd finally made it.

You wanted the excitement and intensity of working with the sickest patients.

...