How do you pass up the opportunity to spit blood in Joan Baez's face?

I've read Mark Twain. I've read Huckleberry Finn. I think I earned the right to go out of the internet and see a guy get a chainsaw on the face. Dude, my dad was drunk and my mom was dealing with it. Guess what? I get raised by cookie monster.

My con looks like it's been in a hockey fight. Time is stupidity. It's at the speed of goddamn light.

I got a bunch of the clocks.

Hey, what's happening in Mike Smith's 40-year-old boy podcast?

How you doing?

I'm good.

Thank you for asking.

I know all of you did.

You never ask, but I ask you, and then I assume that you've asked me, because we're all in this together, folks.

We're talking to one another. We're staring each other's eyes. This is a Tinder date.

This is like an internet Tinder date.

You're there.

I'm here.

Let's do it via Skype.

From now on, this show's a Skype show.

Actually, it's not.

Yesterday, I did a Facebook chat.

And I thought that was going to be five minutes and it turned out want to see me talking, go ahead to my Facebook fan club page, the West Side 86

Joker's page, and watch me yapping right there on the old screen. I'm sitting on a couch in my

apartment. You'll get to see like the outdoors. You get to see Stephen, the autistic guy who lives

in my building. It's fantastic. Well, he doesn't come in. What if I had him as a guest? Hey, how's it doing? Let's Skype it up with Autism Jones.

...