Welcome to the podcast No One Told Us, where we tell the truth about parenting and talk about all the stuff you wish you knew before having kids. I'm your host, Rachel Shepard Ota, and today I'm so excited to welcome Jancy Dunn. Jancy is a New York Times bestselling author, journalist, and columnist, known for her candid, humorous takes on family life relationships and health.

She has authored several acclaimed books, including the one we'll be discussing today called

How to Not Hate Your Husband After Kids. I know I have struggled in my relationship after kids,

and it's something that not a lot of people want to talk about, but so many people experience.

So I'm really excited to talk about this with Jancy today because she does such an amazing job, blending humor and just realness. So welcome to the podcast,

Jansy. Thanks so much for being here. My pleasure. I'm so curious to just kind of hear,

first of all, the title of your book is just beyond genius. But I'm so curious to hear about just kind of like your personal

experience and what really prompted you to write this book. Yeah, the title's a bit of a grabber,

isn't it? And we did have kind of meetings about whether it was too harsh. And the marketing department

at my publisher said, no, no, no, this is what you have to get. It can't be how to love

your husband after kids. It can't. So my story is that I've been a writer for years and years. I've

written about mental health for years and years and all kinds of, you know, subjects around well-being.

And I had been with my husband for 10 years. We had really solidified our relationship.

We traveled. We had a great time. And then we had a baby. And, you know, I thought he's a, he's an

evolved guy. You know, we're going to figure it out. This is

going to organically work out the way everything else in our lives had up to that point. And then

when I had our daughter, our life just exploded and I couldn't believe it because I remember

thinking even when I was pregnant, like, really, is and plus it's one I'm sure if people are reading this they're

thinking you know people with multiple kids are thinking really it was just the one but there's

something about that first time that really upends your life in a way that is unbelievable. And so we started fighting right out of the gate

pretty much. And we just didn't stop. And our relationships started to disintegrate. And I thought,

I can't believe I write about this stuff. And I don't have a handle on it. And my life is unraveling. And so I thought, I can't believe I write about this stuff and I don't have a handle on it and my life

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