Episode 87: "Am I the Abuser?" with Rhian Lockard
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast
Kate Anthony
4.4 • 574 Ratings
🗓️ 16 September 2020
⏱️ 58 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
A huge realization for many women going through divorce is around the emotional abuse they've suffered in their marriage. In my program, we have an entire module dedicated to uncovering and understanding this, part of which is hosted by my guest today, Rhian Lockard.
Invariably, as women dive more deeply into the work of uncovering emotional abuse, they are struck with the question, "Wait, am I the abuser?"
This week, my friend and colleague Rhian Lockard returns to the podcast to help answer that very question. (Spoiler: if you're asking the question, you're not the abuser.)
Rhian is a multi-certified life coach who specializes in supporting her clients out of toxic relationships with themselves and others. In this episode, Rhian helps us to understand the difference between being the abuser and being someone backed into a corner trying to save themselves from a very real threat.
Show Highlights
- If you are asking the question, "Am I the abuser?", you're not the abuser. (3:56)
- Someone who is emotionally abusive is seeking control from a relationship and not love or connection. (5:55)
- The fatal trait of a narcissist is that they want love but refuse to do the self-work. (16:02)
- Because you are not the abuser does not mean you don't have toxic qualities. (18:03)
- How and why we start to behave in alignment with how our relationship is set up. (31:43)
- How do you get out of a toxic relationship? (35:39)
- Why you should go to therapy yourself, first. (41:48)
- How women can take back their innate sense of knowing. (48:14)
Learn More About Rhian Lockhard:
Rhian Lockard is a multi-certified life coach who specializes in supporting her clients out of toxic relationships with themselves and others.
Resources & Links:
Rhian's websites: Rhianlockard.com and Moonstonewitchery.com
Rhian's previous appearance on The Divorce Survival Guide
Rhian's YouTube Video - Am I the Abuser?
Look for Rhian's podcast - What Is Love? - on your favorite podcast streaming app!
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Welcome to the Divorce Survival Guide podcast, where we have open and honest conversations about co-parenting, separation, divorce, and the hardest question of all, should you stay or should you go. |
| 0:17.7 | I'm Kate Anthony, your divorce survival guide, and I'm here to help you navigate some of |
| 0:23.3 | the roughest waters you've ever swum in and answer some of your toughest questions. I've been to |
| 0:29.1 | hell and back, and now it's my mission in life to help you get to the other side of this process |
| 0:35.1 | with your sanity and your heart intact. |
| 0:41.2 | Hey everyone. Welcome to another episode of the Divorce Survival Guide podcast. How you doing? I am |
| 0:48.0 | super excited about today's episode. This is a welcome back to my dear friend, Rian Lockard. |
| 0:56.6 | And you may recall that a couple of years ago, Rian came on the podcast to talk about uncovering |
| 1:04.0 | emotional abuse. |
| 1:05.6 | And between that podcast episode and the video that she and I recorded, she came as a guest expert into |
| 1:13.9 | my program. Should I stay or should I go? And if this resonates with you, you need to be in that |
| 1:20.3 | program. It's super accessible, super affordable. We'll put the link in the show notes. This program is |
| 1:26.8 | life changing. |
| 1:29.1 | And this is a big part of it. |
| 1:30.5 | The exploration about emotional abuse in my program and the interview that we did for that, plus the podcast episode that we did a couple years ago, have been like hugely informative and important pieces of people's |
| 1:47.1 | growth and recovery who are in my sphere. So, but the next question that we always get, always, always, |
| 1:54.6 | always is, oh my God, I'm looking at all of this and I'm and I'm realizing all of these things and |
| 2:00.7 | oh my God, am I the abuser? And, you know, Rian and I both have addressed that question so many |
| 2:07.8 | times in our work because it's always the next question. And so we decided to, I decided to have |
| 2:15.1 | her back on to answer that question. So that's really what this episode is |
| 2:19.8 | about. This is about, you know, the next phase in the iteration of emotional abuse, which is |
| 2:25.7 | wondering if you're the abuser. Spoiler, you're not. And as always, when Rhian and I get together to talk about these things, we can go on forever. |
... |
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