Episode 78: Initiation: What You And Your Partner Are Doing Wrong - And How To Get It Right

Pillow Talks

Vanessa & Xander Marin

Sexuality, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 2.6K Ratings

🗓️ 17 November 2022

⏱️ 61 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Initiation is SUPPOSED to feel sexy and enticing. When we see it on TV, it always looks so easy. One partner looks at the other from across the room, you can see in their eyes how much they want each other, one partner presses the other up against the wall and it’s game on! But for so many of us, initiation feels more like an annoyance than a seduction. We polled our audience on Instagram and discovered that at least half of our audience regularly gets frustrated by their partner’s initiation tactics. Initiation can be tricky because emotions can run high for both partners for very different reasons. One partner could be trying to feel connected, while the other is balancing cooking dinner, kids schedules, unreturned emails, and just not being in that headspace. Or maybe your partner waits to initiate until the 11th hour, when you’re desperate for sleep after a long day. In this episode, we examine both sides of failed initiation attempts. We share real life examples of some traps that we’ve personally fallen into along the way. And, most importantly, we offer simple solutions for both initiator and the exasperated partner. This is a fantastic episode to listen to with your partner - or to play loudly from the other room when they’re around! Links & Resources: Bring Your Sex Life Back To Life Initiation 101 Foreplay Guides Next Level Intercourse Better, Hotter, More Mental Load Workbook Sex Drive Types Episode 38: You Want Connection, Your Partner Wants Sex. Who Comes First? Episode 73: Do You Ever “Owe” Sex To Your Partner? If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillow Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode74 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Why, hello there. This is Zander from the future, jumping in to this episode, which was recorded
0:05.9	a long time ago, to let you know something, which is that throughout this episode you're
0:09.8	going to hear us talk about a master class called Initiation 101. But we have a good news
0:15.6	bad news situation for you. We at this point have officially retired the Initiation 101 master
0:20.9	class, but only because we've turned it into something even better, which is a brand new course
0:27.0	called the Art of Initiation. So here's how this change came about. We put up a poll on
0:32.2	Instagram. It was just a casual little thing. We were asking like, are you happy with the way
0:37.1	initiation works in your relationship? Something like 50,000 people responded to that initial poll.
0:43.6	And the results were shocking. Only 17% of people said that initiation is working in their
0:51.6	relationship. So our minds were blown by this. And we thought we've got to go back to the
0:56.9	drawing board with this initiation thing, like clearly we need more resources, more help.
1:02.8	So we actually did a follow-up survey. We asked people to tell us more about what's going on with
1:07.8	initiation in their relationship. What are their frustrations? And we realized that bad initiation
1:13.6	is also the root cause of so many bigger issues, like low libido, mismatched libidos, loss of attraction,
1:20.1	infrequent sex, unpleasurable and unfulfilling sex, less non-sexual physical intimacy,
1:26.6	resentments, arguments, and disconnection. So we thought we need a much more comprehensive,
1:33.5	much deeper resource to help people address their initiation so we can also address all of these
1:39.5	larger issues too. So in the Art of Initiation, you will discover practical ways to create and
1:44.6	sustain more emotional intimacy because when you feel like roommates rather than romantic partners,
1:49.2	having sex just feels like a huge leap, right? You're also going to learn why differing libidos
1:54.4	don't need to stop you from experiencing the intimacy you both deserve. And how skilful
1:59.7	initiation can actually bridge the gap. How to confidently know and express exactly what turns
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