Episode 720: Dr. Heidi Hastings, Understanding and Navigating Betrayal Trauma

Listen, Learn & Love Hosted by Richard Ostler

Richard Ostler

Religion & Spirituality

4.8 • 839 Ratings

🗓️ 3 December 2023

⏱️ 88 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

My friend Dr. Heidi Hastings joins us to talk about her research around betrayal trauma for women in marriages (largely around a husband’s pornography use) She is married, LDS, mother of 4, lives in Frisco, Texas, sex and marriage researcher/educator, teaches Family Stress and Coping for BYU-Idaho online, Master’s and Ph.D. degrees in Human Development and Family Studies from Texas Woman’s University. Dr. Hastings vulnerably shares some of her own story, as well as her research, which includes a model she developed as part of her Ph.D. dissertation called “Stages of Betray of Self-Development.” The five stages (innocence, crisis, aftermath, healing, and transformation) are so helpful to those walking the road of betrayal trauma and those working to help them. Dr. Hastings concludes with important takeaways, including the role of God, how Jesus is “relief,” women need women to heal, the need for couples to communicate about pornography and sexuality, and the unhelpful role of shame in keeping pornography use “underground.” This is one of the most helpful, insightful, and powerful podcasts we’ve done on seeing, understanding, and solving betrayal trauma and how it is possible to move forward with peace, hope, and healing. I encourage everyone to listen to this podcast for the insights and principles Dr. Hastings shares that can help each of us have better/more healthy relationships. It also provides tools and ideas to help others in our areas of responsibility. Thank you, Dr. Hastings, for your groundbreaking work, which is so needed in our community. Honored to have you on the podcast! Richard "Papa" Ostler Links: Dr. Hastings' email: [email protected] Jesus is Relief talk based on her research: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sjfGurwMl9g Google Form for submitting your story to help influence the direction of Dr Hastings' new book: https://forms.gle/Ffkg6h483ewzptBK8 Mood Log exercise to help change distressing thought patterns (see https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/s6cdjhdoumzqijgx198ur/Mood-logs-Dr-Hastings-Podcast.doc?rlkey=35zxda71dwbqh5065kxrd6hei&dl=0). For details about how to implement this form, check out the full book, When Panic Attacks by D. D. Burns (2006).

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome listeners to another episode of Listen, Learn, and Love, hosted by Richard Osler.
0:09.6	My guest on today's podcast is Dr. Heidi Hastings, joining us from north of Dallas, Frisco, Texas.
0:18.0	Welcome to the podcast, Dr. Hastings.
0:20.8	Thank you for having me. I'm really happy to be here with you.
0:25.0	We started to record this podcast yesterday, listeners, and we had some technical difficulties,
0:31.6	and so we're starting over. You won't be aware of that, but one of the things I became
0:36.4	aware of is listening to Dr.
0:38.8	Hastings for 30 minutes is this is a really, really important podcast in a space we've
0:46.2	never really gone before and our joint prayers that'll helpful for you.
0:51.7	And without getting into the details, let me first give an introduction of Dr. Hastings.
0:57.3	And I'll read an introduction.
0:58.5	Then I'll get a little overview of what she's going to talk about.
1:01.2	And she may give some framing also before she gets into the content.
1:05.9	Let me read an introduction.
1:07.9	Dr. Heidi Hastings is a sex and marriage researcher, educator, and relationship
1:13.8	coach who also teaches family stress and coping for BYU, Idaho, online. Heidi is a master's and a PhD
1:22.1	and PhD degrees in human development and family studies from Texas Women's University and a bachelor's
1:29.9	degree in communications from BYU. Her research interest includes betrayal trauma, healthy
1:36.7	sexuality, sexual mindfulness, pornography, and religion, and transformational growth. She is
1:43.6	working on a book for religious women who have
1:45.7	experienced betrayal based primarily on her research, but also influenced by her own experiences
1:52.8	with betrayal in her first marriage. Heidi is deeply in love with her husband Scott.
	...

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