Episode 71: Negative Intimacy and Forgiveness
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast
Kate Anthony
4.4 • 574 Ratings
🗓️ 8 May 2020
⏱️ 28 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
This week I'm bringing you a solo episode, and I'm talking all about negative intimacy and forgiveness. First, let's talk about negative intimacy. In a nutshell, negative intimacy is the continuation of unhealthy dynamics of your marriage long into your divorce — something I engaged in for about five years post-divorce!
In this episode, I offer some questions to ask if you think you're in a negatively intimate relationship with your ex or soon-to-be-ex, such as: "What is the connection you are trying to keep alive?"
Understanding why you're seeking this connection and then moving on from it is all part of the letting go process. Letting go happens over time, and often in waves. And it is a process. Extricating yourself from past relationship patterns is where the real divorce happens.
I also sound off on the difference between forgiveness and resentment. And, know this, you don't have to forgive someone. However, you should work through and process your resentments. Listen in, reach out if you need guidance, and stay well!
Show Highlights
- How to hold your boundaries and you shift the relationship dynamic.
- Why negative intimacy typically revolves around your children.
- You don't HAVE to forgive someone.
- Why you should process through your resentments.
- A Mother's Day message reminder - ask for what you need.
Resources & Links:
Me in the New York Times! Podcasts Inspired by Love and Relationships
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group
Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | Welcome to the Divorce Survival Guide podcast, where we have open and honest conversations about co-parenting, separation, divorce, and the hardest question of all, should you stay or should you go. |
| 0:17.8 | I'm Kate Anthony, your divorce survival guide, and I'm here to help you navigate |
| 0:22.9 | some of the roughest waters you've ever swum in and answer some of your toughest questions. |
| 0:28.4 | I've been to hell and back, and now it's my mission in life to help you get to the other side of this |
| 0:34.6 | process with your sanity and your heart intact. |
| 0:44.8 | Welcome to another episode of the Divorce Survival Guide podcast. I am your host, your |
| 0:51.5 | Divorce Survival Guide. First of all, I'm late in getting this episode out to you. |
| 0:57.0 | This is kind of what's been happening over here. I'm in the pandemic fog. And I'm telling you this |
| 1:04.4 | because I'm sure you are too, you know, and I've been doing some reading about what it is and what it means |
| 1:11.9 | and how it impacts us and our brains and the trauma that we're all experiencing. And it's like |
| 1:19.7 | this low level constant feed of bad news and fear. We're in a constant state, constantly heightened state of fight or flight or |
| 1:33.9 | freeze. It's impacting us, I think, in all different ways. And one of the ways that it's |
| 1:39.0 | impacting me is that I can't get anything done. I can't retain a lot of information. |
| 1:44.9 | By the end of the day, working with my private clients, I am so tapped out. |
| 1:50.5 | So tapped out. |
| 1:52.5 | You know, never mind parenting and homeschooling and all of that. |
| 1:58.8 | You guys should see my bedroom right now. |
| 2:01.2 | The piles of laundry are, it's astonishing. |
| 2:04.7 | I'm making a promise to myself and to you here right now that I am going to get that done today. |
| 2:09.3 | That's one of the things I'm going to get done. |
| 2:11.0 | Just one. |
| 2:12.5 | And in terms of like, oh my God, not being able to remember things. |
... |
Please login to see the full transcript.
Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Kate Anthony, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.
Generated transcripts are the property of Kate Anthony and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.
Copyright © Tapesearch 2026.