Gentlemen and ladies in that order, good eve.

It is I, Maximilian Blonk, who come to you on cave comedy radio, not as the grim visage

of doom I have so oft portrayed in the classics of Aurocinema, such as the deviate Dr. Hades

MGM 1971 or Silas Ornato in Orb of Doom.

You may research my further credits on IMDB.com, Forage Lash, etc.

But tonight I come to you not as a madman from the cinema of Auro, but merely an actor

who has portrayed a madman his entire life.

And now wishes to celebrate his favorite holiday, Christmas.

Silence children, lest I call down powers you no not wear from.

I now read a piece of poisee, if you might be persuaded to join me.

What's three nights before Xmas, when all through the land, not a body was moving, not

even a hand.

The carolers were hanged by the chimney to scare, as warning to all whose voice so should

dare.

The children were strangled all soft in their death bids, whilst ravenous road and peace

chewed on their heads.

Dear mama was baked in her own turkey pan, as I devoured her brains at last a free man.

When out on the heath there arose a kerbuffle, a demonic shriek, a howl without muffle,

away to the window I flew with fierce malice to taste what ill wine fateful poured in my

chalice.

Though midnight the moon was dimmed until gone, and a third celestial sphere shone bright

as the sun, close enough.

...