Episode 5, Part 1: Did My Police Department Miss Something?

A Very Fatal Murder

The Onion

Comedy

4.1 • 3.2K Ratings

🗓️ 5 February 2018

⏱️ 10 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In the first part of an extra-long and incredibly poignant episode of “A Very Fatal Murder,” David returns to the Bluff Springs Police Department to search the evidence locker in hopes of finding the long-lost key to Hayley Price’s Murder.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hey everyone, this is the first part of a special two-part episode of a very fatal murder.
0:05.3	Warning up top, part one is pretty fucking poignant.
0:09.0	So if there are any listeners out there who aren't ready to have their breath taken away
0:12.8	over how stunning this piece of narrative journalism is, please skip ahead to part two.
0:23.0	Everyone, what's your emergency?
0:24.4	It's a full moon, you fucking idiots were fucked!
0:28.3	I keep an eye on Callaway if I were you.
0:30.8	I gotta rest that motherfucker.
0:32.3	What do you mean, Haley's dead?
0:33.3	Oh my god, you didn't know?
0:34.3	From the onion and onion public radio, I'm David Pascal.
0:37.8	And this is a very fatal murder.
0:45.8	This is the Bluffs Springs Police Department, Park Das.
0:48.8	This is the Bluffs Springs Police Department.
0:51.3	It's been 10 years since Haley's murdered.
0:53.8	And it's hard to make a list of people who should have solved this case,
0:57.3	without including the police.
0:58.8	Yeah, I'll connect you to his dustbin.
1:02.8	You've reached Chief of Police, David Pascal. Leave a message.
1:05.8	And that's me.
1:06.8	A lot has changed since the last episode.
1:09.8	It's 2018 now, a decade since I moved to Bluffs Springs to make Haley's prices unsolved murder,
	...

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