Episode 46: Poolside
You Look Nice Today
You Look Nice Today
4.7 • 897 Ratings
🗓️ 2 October 2012
⏱️ 36 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
ATTENTION! POOL RULES!
- Free swim Thursdays 4:00 - 4:15.
- Shower before entering pool. Also, shave before entering pool.
- This is a “Body Shame Free” zone. You must keep your eyes closed at all times.
- Chairs may only be saved with a passport, $50 bill, or a signed photo of Burt Reynolds.
- Towels available for a small fee—ask the Towel Troll for details.
- Water in the pool is a privilege, not a right!
- Just going to be honest here about going #1 and #2: going #1 is way less of a big deal than you think. Going #2 is way more of a big deal than you think.
- Do NOT talk to Randy about 9/11.
- NO CANADIANS
Also: what’s your theme song; Adam the lion; cloggin’ a drain; seeing yourself in a mirror; grits etc.; Burt Reynolds; peeing on Car 17; splashing is not drowning; pool chairs for everyone bro; browsing TV Guide; Robin Hood of chaises; an original Playstation; The Meerkats and the Laundry Bag; nipples in a crawlspace; ask Quora; the sausage sweats.
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | But do da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da. |
| 0:05.0 | But da da da da da. |
| 0:07.0 | B da da da da da. B da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da Should I go on? Yes. Yes. Yes. |
| 0:17.0 | Yes. Yes. Bum-da da da da da da-da. You look nice today, a nice today, a journal of emotional hygiene. |
| 0:41.8 | It has been so long. |
| 0:44.0 | Are you still cute? |
| 0:45.0 | No. |
| 0:46.0 | No. |
| 0:47.0 | No, that's one thing that I am not. |
| 0:49.0 | I've gotten so much less cute. |
| 0:52.0 | One of my friends came up with a new word to describe me and that's |
| 0:55.6 | shit troll. I could not disagree more and here's my way of proving it and I think I think that anyone who knows you can absolutely imagine this scenario |
| 1:10.0 | I just like re fell in love with the swimming pool. I forgot that you could just like stay at a hotel and go downstairs and just sit by the pool. It's the best. |
| 1:19.0 | But Merlin just imagine you're sitting there, you've got your TV guide for some reason, I don't know why that's |
| 1:24.8 | your, my magazine that I bring down to the pool. |
| 1:26.8 | I like to follow my stories. |
| 1:27.8 | You got your TV guide spread out in your chest and you've got your big straw hat on and you're kind of dorkily using your sunglasses to check out the girls and you're just being an idiot by the pool. |
| 1:40.0 | All right, who comes up? Who comes up walking out of the hotel across the cement palazzo in his hotel Hotel issued bathrobe. Just looking like a goddamn lion. |
| 1:55.2 | Then he comes over, looks at the Shay's lounge |
| 1:57.8 | next to you, says, uh, is this free? |
| 2:04.0 | Dumps his robe. Just looks like a fucking sleek sea lion, you know, strong, |
| 2:09.0 | and then just jumps in the water, no splash. |
... |
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