And now, it's time for the Fifth Annual Fake News Awards.

Brought you by Schwab and Son's cock rocket and boria.

In this yearly roundup of the worst examples of fake news in the corporate mockingbird media, we dishonor the dissemblers,

lament the liars, and mortify the misleaders who have cheated condens,

swindled the public into supporting their agenda of technocratic control!

Featuring us. to supporting their agenda of technocratic control.

Featuring a special performance by the new smash-it pop supergroup, Cabal.

And now, from the Palatial Broadcast Studios of the Corporate Report in Western Japan,

it's the fifth annual Faith News Awards.

Brought to you by Schwopens-Let's Cock-Roccan Emporium. Featuring your host for tonight's proceedings,

Bent Crockman!

Good evening.

It's so nice of you to join us for these virtual festivities during these

dark pandemic times. And while we've all been suffering so much over these last two years,

perhaps none have suffered more so than those poor beleaguered

reporters, trying to work from home and give you the weather traffic news updates from their living room,

all the while dealing with their pesky cats,

their frisky dogs, their uppity children, and of course their wacky family members.

Yes, they have had to deal with these lockdown times just like the rest of us, growing out there haggard

wintered beards and dressing like bums and foregoing the trips to the barber, just like and me just like the little people all the while delivering their new

pre-packaged news segments with that at-home authenticity that you've come to expect from the independent media,

but with all the same lies that they've been telling for their corporate overlords the whole time.

...