Episode 37: Relationships, Intimacy, and Connection with Matthew Solomon
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast
Kate Anthony
4.4 • 575 Ratings
🗓️ 8 July 2019
⏱️ 60 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
This week's episode is centered around relationships - surprise! Okay, while it's not really a surprise that we are talking about relationships on a podcast about divorce, we do talk about a phrase that is a hot button topic and one I haven't explored in the show much yet: toxic masculinity.
I searched far and wide for the perfect person to have a conversation about this topic and I found him. I am pleased to introduce you to Matthew Solomon, a relationship and empowerment coach, specializing in intimacy and communication and the author of "Man School: Relating with Women in the #MeToo Era." By the way, everyone needs to get this book. It's amazing.
In this episode Matthew and I share our views on the definition of toxic masculinity. And then we dive deep into the waters of relationships, intimacy, connection, and communication and how to make it all work, by doing the work. And I know, it's painful to live without connection. If this episode does one thing, I hope it helps you realize that connection in a relationship is possible.
Show Highlights
- Matthew's definition of toxic masculinity and my perspective on the term (plus why I think it needs a "rebrand") (7:22)
- The importance of adjusting the way you communicate so others can receive it (11:14)
- Women are not men, we have different experiences and when we acknowledge those differences we can better communicate (19:20)
- Sex and relationships: we're not taught about sex and intimacy; it's an important part of relationships, yet we don't know how to be intimate or settle in with each other (25:32)
- Why consent is HOT (33:37)
- Chivalry is honoring womanhood (38:14)
- The four steps of listening and listening beyond the words (49:25)
- The future of marriage, relationships, and communication as described by Matthew (53:12)
Learn More About Matthew:
Matthew Solomon is "The Coach for the Modern Soul," a relationship and empowerment coach, specializing in intimacy and communication. He is the author of "Man School: Relating with Women in the #MeToo Era," which was an Amazon #1 new release in 6 categories, writes the weekly column, "Too Sensitive," for The Good Men Project, is an award-winning filmmaker and father of 3. In addition to his private coaching practice, Matthew is regularly invited to speak on panels on the topics of diversity and inclusion.
Links:
Matthew's website: http://www.CoachwithMatthewSolomon.com
Matthew on social media:
facebook.com/coachwithmatthewsolomon
Man School: Relating with Women in the #MeToo Era
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group for Women: https://www.facebook.com/groups/shouldistayorshouldigo/
Should I Stay or Should I Go - Get the Program:
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Welcome to another episode of the Divorce Survival Guide podcast, where we have real, honest, smart, |
| 0:11.6 | and sometimes even hilarious conversations about co-parenting, separation, and divorce, and all that goes along with that. |
| 0:18.9 | I'm Kate Anthony, your Divorce Survival Guide, certified life and relationship coach, |
| 0:23.6 | and happily divorced mom, who helps women decide if they should stay in or leave their marriages |
| 0:28.0 | and then guides them through the process one step at a time. |
| 0:34.8 | Hey, everyone, happy summer. It is starting to heat up here in L.A. And I, for one, am not looking forward to the 115 degree weeks that are about to come. Oh my God, you guys, I don't have central AC in my house. So I have all these window units and there are all these complicated systems involved |
| 0:55.9 | with keeping doors closed to cool multiple rooms at once. And oh my God, it's just complicated |
| 1:01.8 | and fucking expensive. Jesus. Anyway, I wanted to take this time not to vent about the heat, |
| 1:10.1 | but to address a topic that comes up |
| 1:12.2 | over and over again in my Facebook group. |
| 1:14.8 | And if you're a mom who's struggling to decide whether to stay or go or who's going through |
| 1:19.4 | a divorce, you need to be in my Facebook group. |
| 1:22.1 | There's a link in the show notes that'll take you there. |
| 1:24.2 | But this is the topic that comes up over and over again. |
| 1:28.3 | And it goes something like this. My husband has been emotionally abusive for years. I finally told him I was leaving |
| 1:34.0 | and now he's pulling out all the stops. He says he realizes the error of his ways and that he's |
| 1:39.5 | working on changing. He even wants to go to therapy with me now, even though I have been asking for years. |
| 1:45.9 | He's telling me that he's changed and that he gets it now. He's basically doing everything I've |
| 1:51.0 | asked for years. I don't love him anymore. And I've tried for so long, but now I'm questioning |
| 1:57.0 | everything and I feel so guilty for wanting to leave. He's never been this nice to be in our, to me in our whole marriage. What should I do? That is not a direct quote of anyone's |
| 2:06.1 | post. That is simply the broad strokes of something that I see all the time. So here's my answer to that. |
| 2:13.8 | I think it's great if someone realizes that the way that they've been acting for the last 10 years isn't cool. I think it's great if someone realizes that the way that they've been acting for the last 10 |
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