Episode 326: Anxiety, Trust, and Parenting with Courage / Enneagram 6's with Melissa Trevathan and Allye Gray

Raising Boys & Girls

That Sounds Fun Network

Religion & Spirituality, Kids & Family, Christianity, Parenting

4.9 • 1.9K Ratings

🗓️ 18 November 2025

⏱️ 54 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this episode, Sissy and David sit down with two beloved Enneagram Sixes: longtime Daystar founder and leader Melissa Trevathan and Daystar counselor Allye Gray. They explore how differently Sixes can look—phobic and counterphobic—and how both expressions are driven by the same core issues of fear, loyalty, and a deep desire for safety and goodness. Allye shares candidly about being a “phobic” Six: an inner world full of what-ifs and how her anxiety can be palpable in parenting. She talks about learning to trust her own instincts, tolerate discomfort, and surround herself with people who stretch her beyond worry into courage and play. Melissa reflects on decades as a “counterphobic” Six, including childhood stories of pushing through fear, starting Daystar when counseling wasn’t common, and discovering that fear doesn’t have to control her life or leadership. Together they offer thoughtful encouragement for parents who are Sixes—and those raising Six kids—naming how anxiety can be misunderstood, how important it is to name dread and seek truth, and how community, Scripture, and play can help Sixes move from living out of fear to parenting more from love, trust, and joy. . . . . . . Sign up to receive the⁠ bi-⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠monthly newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ to keep up to date with where David and Sissy are speaking, where they are taco'ing, PLUS conversation starters for you and your family to share! Access Raising Boys and Girls courses here! Connect with David, Sissy, and Melissa at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠raisingboysandgirls.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠Owen Learns He Has What it Takes: A Lesson in Resilience⁠ ⁠Lucy Learns to Be Brave: A Lesson in Courage⁠⁠ . . . . . . If you would like to partner with Raising Boys and Girls as a podcast sponsor, fill out our⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Advertise With Us⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ form. A special thank you to our sponsors: QUINCE: Go to ⁠Quince.com/rbg⁠ for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. THRIVE MARKET: Head over to ⁠ThriveMarket.com/rbg⁠ to get 30% off your first order and a FREE $60 gift. NIV APPLICATION BIBLE: Save an additional 10% on any NIV Application Bible and NIV Application Commentary Resources by visiting faithgateway.com/nivab and using promo code RBG. OUR PLACE: Stop cooking with toxic cookware, and upgrade to Our Place today. Visit fromourplace.com/RBG and use code RBG for 10% off sitewide. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hey friends, welcome to the Raising Boys and Girls podcast.
0:12.4	I'm Sissy Goff.
0:13.5	And I'm David Thomas, and we're so glad you've joined us for this conversation.
0:18.3	Let's dive in.
0:23.1	Thank you. for this conversation. Let's dive in. It is such a gift to sit with two brilliant, kind, thoughtful women that we trust so much.
0:34.8	Indeed.
0:36.0	Trust is an important word for an en masse. It's so much. Indeed. Trust is an important word for an enneagram six.
0:39.8	So important.
0:41.0	And we really wanted to have both of you because you are very different sixes as we talk
0:47.1	about anagram sixes.
0:49.1	And to the degree that one of my favorite statements was when we were talking about the
0:54.9	end of green with Suzanne Stabil.
0:56.8	And I'm not going to remember exactly, but she was, I think, talking to you and then said to
1:02.7	you, what, which way do you lean in terms of counterphobic or phobic, which we can talk about?
1:10.0	And you said, I'm whatever Melissa's not.
1:13.4	That was great. Which is so true. And I'm so grateful because I feel like it's been really
1:21.7	interesting to hear Kathleen talk about being a six. And she has a therapist who's a six, who says we don't do a great job
1:32.2	sometimes describing the vast differences that reside in sixes in particular. And all of us
1:38.9	in our numbers, there's a lot of variation. But I think y'all really do look very different.
1:43.5	And so I'm really excited for you both to get to talk about your experience because I think it's going to be so helpful for so many. Good. Yeah. Me too. Well, let's start out by having both of you tell us what do you love the most about your number? What do you love the most about being a six? And what do you love the least? I feel like when my mind is made up about something, I feel pretty like committed to that because I'm thinking so much. Do you feel this way that your mind is just constantly on, Melissa? Oh, yes. And it's just like people have no idea how many thoughts we have in a day. That's right. Somebody's mind is going off in my head all the time.
2:18.3	Yes.
2:19.3	But because of that, I feel like once I make up my mind, I can feel pretty confident in my decision.
	...

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