Hey, there you are. Come on in, everybody.

It is good to see you.

You don't have to be lonely this morning. I'm here.

Yeah. This will be your hour-long conversation with your best virtual friend.

Let me make sure your comments were showing.

Yes, they are.

Yay.

Bam-bump-pum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-mom. Good morning, everyone, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.

Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the highlight of human civilization. It's called coffee with Scott Adams, and you've never had a better time.

But if you would like to take a chance on elevating your experience to level that no one can understand

with their tiny shiny human brains. All you need is a cup or a mugger, a glass of tanker,

chelior, chelso, Stein, a canteen jugger flask, a vessel of any kind. Fill it with your

favorite liquid. I like coffee. And join me now for the unparallel pleasure the

dopamine the day the thing that makes everything better it's called the

simultaneous septem it happens right now go oh yeah well I was good. That was real good.

Well, I wonder if there are any scientific studies about coffee being good for you.

Oh, here's another one. Fast Company is reporting that researchers at Tufts University found out that drinking black coffee is really good for your health.

But if you add sugar and, well, mostly sugar probably, but sugar and milk, no benefits.

So coffee is either making you healthier or making you less healthy,

depending on what kind of crap you put in there.

You know, I love Starbucks as a place to hang out, and certainly their food and beverages are delicious.

But doesn't it feel to you like it's a liquid candy store?

...