is it needy or is it just a need? You know, like there's a way that we're really putting

this judgment onto it when we just we add that little Y and all of a sudden it becomes very judging.

So it's like asking ourselves is it just that I'm wanting something or I could use help with

something or something sounds good to me or is it crossing that line into neediness where it's

asking somebody more to validate your worth.

Hello and welcome to the Pillotox podcast. We're your host Vanessa and Zander Marin.

I'm a sex therapist with over 20 years of experience and I'm just a regular dude.

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When you think of the word needy, what do you think of? It's probably the last thing you would

ever want to be described as, right? There's nothing positive about being needy. Yeah, no one's

like, oh, you're being so needy right now. I love it. I just wish I was more needy.

There's actually a lot of shame that comes up around needy. It usually is used as an

insult. People feel really bad about it or we feel really self-conscious of like, oh, I don't

want to be needy, right? Yeah, it's like this thing that we all have this idea of what it is but

like, do we really know what it is? Yeah, what does it mean to be needy? I think a simple definition

of neediness is this belief you're not able to see your own worth so you depend on other people

in your life to make you feel better about yourself or to make you feel worthy. It's like getting

that external validation from others. But I think that neediness is a very misunderstood topic and

it's actually causing a lot of pain and damage in our relationships. Yeah, unnecessary pain and

...