Episode 24: 24 Dying because I do not die

Catching Foxes

Luke and Gomer

Religion & Spirituality, Christianity, Tv & Film

4.8 • 769 Ratings

🗓️ 13 November 2015

⏱️ 59 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

This was a tough one. That's all I got. Love you, Matt!

        <img class="thumb-image" data-image="https://static1.squarespace.com/static/551def6fe4b09619c3abc306/t/56457ca7e4b03c048d1fbe5b/1447394472781/" data-image-dimensions="604x453" data-image-focal-point="0.7244444444444444,0.591715976331361" data-load="false" data-image-id="56457ca7e4b03c048d1fbe5b" data-type="image" src="https://static1.squarespace.com/static/551def6fe4b09619c3abc306/t/56457ca7e4b03c048d1fbe5b/1447394472781/?format=1000w" />

I Live yet do not Live in Me

I live yet do not live in me,
am waiting as my life goes by,
and die because I do not die.

No longer do I live in me,
and without God I cannot live;
to him or me I cannot give
my self, so what can living be?
A thousand deaths my agony
waiting as my life goes by,
dying because I do not die.

This life I live alone I view
as robbery of life, and so
it is a constant death — with no
way out until I live with you.
God, hear me, what I say is true:
I do not want this life of mine,
and die because I do not die.

Being so removed from you I say
what kind of life can I have here
but death so ugly and severe
and worse than any form of pain?
I pity me — and yet my fate
is that I must keep up this lie,
and die because I do not die.

The fish taken out of the sea
is not without a consolation:
his dying is of brief duration
and ultimately brings relief.
Yet what convulsive death can be
as bad as my pathetic life?
The more I live the more I die.

When I begin to feel relief
on seeing you in the sacrament,
I sink in deeper discontent,
deprived of your sweet company.
Now everything compels my grief:
I want — yet can’t — see you nearby,
and die because I do not die.

Although I find my pleasure, Sir,
in hope of someday seeing you,
I see that I can lose you too,
which makes my pain doubly severe,
and so I live in darkest fear,
and hope, wait as life goes by,
dying because I do not die.

Deliver me from death, my God,
and give me life; now you have wound
a rope about me; harshly bound
I ask you to release the cord.
See how I die to see you, Lord,
and I am shattered where I lie,
dying because I do not die.

My death will trigger tears in me,
and I shall mourn my life: a day
annihilated by the way
I fail and sin relentlessly.
O Father God, when will it be
that I can say without a lie:
I live because I do not die?

Translated by Willis Barnstone

St John of the Cross

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Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello, everyone and welcome to episode number 24. This is a different episode. The whole subject matter is completely different.
0:18.0	We wanted to talk about why old people can't stand Pope Francis. And then after
0:22.0	five seconds of me talking about a woman that I admired Beverly who died recently, a mother, a wife,
0:29.0	an awesome person, it immediately segued into someone that me and Luke mutually lost nine years ago.
0:37.7	He was an awesome son, an awesome brother, an awesome friend.
0:41.5	On the rugby field, he was known as Mr. Glass.
0:44.4	We're talking about our friend Matt Covey, who died tragically nine years ago
0:49.3	in Studentville, Ohio, in the Ohio River.
0:53.2	He was a hilariously weird and utterly, uniquely confident human being, and his faith was
1:01.2	deeper than I could ever hope to have.
1:04.2	So this episode is kind of like the eulogy that we never got to have together because
1:10.4	Luke was with him between the two of us
1:12.6	about a week before Matthew died. I actually was the one that got to go to his funeral because Luke was
1:18.3	in the Virgin Islands. This is the first time that we've had this experience of talking about Matt
1:24.4	and what he meant to us and what his death meant to us.
1:28.6	This is not a sad podcast episode.
1:31.0	There are elements of it.
1:32.3	I've recorded this intro like 15 times because I may or may not have cried every
1:37.6	single time.
1:39.8	Matt is certainly a worthy topic of discussion.
1:44.1	And everyone that knew him, I hope you find that these stories. is certainly a worthy topic of discussion.
1:50.0	And everyone that knew him, I hope you find that these stories and the stuff that we talk about honor him greatly because that guy deserved it.
	...

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