4.8 • 769 Ratings
🗓️ 13 November 2015
⏱️ 59 minutes
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This was a tough one. That's all I got. Love you, Matt!
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I live yet do not live in me,
am waiting as my life goes by,
and die because I do not die.
No longer do I live in me,
and without God I cannot live;
to him or me I cannot give
my self, so what can living be?
A thousand deaths my agony
waiting as my life goes by,
dying because I do not die.
This life I live alone I view
as robbery of life, and so
it is a constant death — with no
way out until I live with you.
God, hear me, what I say is true:
I do not want this life of mine,
and die because I do not die.
Being so removed from you I say
what kind of life can I have here
but death so ugly and severe
and worse than any form of pain?
I pity me — and yet my fate
is that I must keep up this lie,
and die because I do not die.
The fish taken out of the sea
is not without a consolation:
his dying is of brief duration
and ultimately brings relief.
Yet what convulsive death can be
as bad as my pathetic life?
The more I live the more I die.
When I begin to feel relief
on seeing you in the sacrament,
I sink in deeper discontent,
deprived of your sweet company.
Now everything compels my grief:
I want — yet can’t — see you nearby,
and die because I do not die.
Although I find my pleasure, Sir,
in hope of someday seeing you,
I see that I can lose you too,
which makes my pain doubly severe,
and so I live in darkest fear,
and hope, wait as life goes by,
dying because I do not die.
Deliver me from death, my God,
and give me life; now you have wound
a rope about me; harshly bound
I ask you to release the cord.
See how I die to see you, Lord,
and I am shattered where I lie,
dying because I do not die.
My death will trigger tears in me,
and I shall mourn my life: a day
annihilated by the way
I fail and sin relentlessly.
O Father God, when will it be
that I can say without a lie:
I live because I do not die?
Translated by Willis Barnstone
St John of the Cross
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0:00.0 | Hello, everyone and welcome to episode number 24. This is a different episode. The whole subject matter is completely different. |
0:18.0 | We wanted to talk about why old people can't stand Pope Francis. And then after |
0:22.0 | five seconds of me talking about a woman that I admired Beverly who died recently, a mother, a wife, |
0:29.0 | an awesome person, it immediately segued into someone that me and Luke mutually lost nine years ago. |
0:37.7 | He was an awesome son, an awesome brother, an awesome friend. |
0:41.5 | On the rugby field, he was known as Mr. Glass. |
0:44.4 | We're talking about our friend Matt Covey, who died tragically nine years ago |
0:49.3 | in Studentville, Ohio, in the Ohio River. |
0:53.2 | He was a hilariously weird and utterly, uniquely confident human being, and his faith was |
1:01.2 | deeper than I could ever hope to have. |
1:04.2 | So this episode is kind of like the eulogy that we never got to have together because |
1:10.4 | Luke was with him between the two of us |
1:12.6 | about a week before Matthew died. I actually was the one that got to go to his funeral because Luke was |
1:18.3 | in the Virgin Islands. This is the first time that we've had this experience of talking about Matt |
1:24.4 | and what he meant to us and what his death meant to us. |
1:28.6 | This is not a sad podcast episode. |
1:31.0 | There are elements of it. |
1:32.3 | I've recorded this intro like 15 times because I may or may not have cried every |
1:37.6 | single time. |
1:39.8 | Matt is certainly a worthy topic of discussion. |
1:44.1 | And everyone that knew him, I hope you find that these stories. is certainly a worthy topic of discussion. |
1:50.0 | And everyone that knew him, I hope you find that these stories and the stuff that we talk about honor him greatly because that guy deserved it. |
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