Episode 22: Who Voted?
You Look Nice Today
You Look Nice Today
4.7 • 897 Ratings
🗓️ 28 October 2008
⏱️ 37 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Thousands* of you wrote to us asking for Election Day guidance. Sadly, we don’t have time to evaluate every candidate in every race. Instead, we commissioned the handy YLNT Voter’s Guide you’ll find below. We recommend you print it onto waterproof paper, fold it into a tiny square, and hide it in your mouth as you enter the voting booth.
Of course, this simple checklist can’t cover every scenario. But we did try to make our guidelines as broadly applicable as possible:
VOTE FOR:
- Yourself. If you are on the ballot, give yourself the vote. Don’t overthink this one.
- Any witch/warlock.
- A candidate who gained/lost more than 30 lbs. for a role in a movie or play. (Shows dedication.)
VOTE AGAINST:
- Anyone who has given you a venereal disease.
- John Denver. He is dead. And a folk singer.
- A “human beatbox.” Filibuster nightmare.
Listen to the episode for many more helpful voting tips, including some Election Day-specific pickup lines.
Also: Rappy pants and dentures, hats of the Seduction Community, Pascal’s voting wager (Vote for Adam’s dad). No ice cream for the handicapable. After two it’s quote unquote “me”. Love in a voting booth, medieval jewelry vis-à-vis Hypercolor, Adam’s hypnotic sexytime, and push presents.
*”Thousands”: from the Greek, meaning “zero.”
Photo by RS_Joe (detail).
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Just how we did it back then. They didn't have banks. |
| 0:02.6 | Three more payments and you get your dentures back. |
| 0:05.2 | No, but you'd go in like, you know what I mean? There was this whole culture of being an adult |
| 0:09.8 | when I was a kid. And now, of course, everybody everybody everybody's wearing rappy pants you know |
| 0:14.2 | everybody has ridiculous haircuts they're a little drunk. Oh God I hate |
| 0:19.3 | voting. You look nice today, a journal of emotional hygiene. |
| 0:34.0 | I just finished voting and I'm not going to tell you who I voted for, |
| 0:40.0 | Libertarian, but I have a question for you guys because i don't know |
| 0:46.0 | i think i might not be doing something right |
| 0:48.4 | oh i when i vote i'd vote i you know |
| 0:52.1 | i know who i'm gonna vote for president president I know who I'm going to vote for you |
| 0:55.0 | know major national office I have a sense you know at the state Congress level |
| 1:00.9 | what's going on I you know if I don't know somebody, their party affiliation is listed there, |
| 1:06.0 | so I'll just, you know, I'll go, I'll vote a straight party, party line. |
| 1:10.0 | But then it gets down to like the, you superintendents and judges and school boards and the the lesser local offices and |
| 1:19.5 | There won't be a party affiliation there. There won't be a party affiliation there. |
| 1:22.9 | There won't be really any information other than the person's name. |
| 1:30.0 | And I just learned that I think you actually don't have to vote on every single one is that right that's true I only learned that recently too I thought it was like the SAT or something where you should guess right yes I thought you should guess. Doesn't it seem like a |
| 1:44.0 | like it seem like when you take it to the old person you know standing by the |
| 1:48.1 | machine like like maybe there might be a slight alarm Exactly. |
| 1:53.0 | And somebody would say to you you got a couple things you left open here. |
| 1:57.0 | Yeah, or your vote would only count like you know like a poor person's level vote like 80% or something. |
... |
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