Episode 157: Conflict in Divorce with Debra Doak
The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast
Kate Anthony
4.4 • 573 Ratings
🗓️ 3 March 2022
⏱️ 51 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
In this episode, we dissect what it means to have conflict, how (and why) it happens, and what to do when it inevitably shows up in the midst of your divorce.
Debra believes that while all divorce involves some degree of conflict, most of us have much more influence on the cost and the outcome than we realize - and much of that revolves around HOW we approach and respond to that conflict.
Show Highlights
- What conflict is and what causes it to escalate in divorce. (5:02)
- An amicable divorce does not mean no conflict. Divorce will have conflict. (8:47)
- What factors contribute to a breakdown in communication when in divorce negotiation. Debra also explains the "assumption iceberg." (9:44)
- The five ways people deal with conflict, including assertive or collaborative. (13:01)
- Effective mediation versus where mediation goes wrong. (15:06)
- Collaborative conflict divorce takes the longest, but it also has the best outcome for everyone. (18:09)
- How to invite your soon-to-be-ex into a collaborative discussion. (22:43)
- How to manage conflict in the moment: use the power of Yes/And. (32:22)
- Tools for dealing with a high-conflict situation or conversation. (37:33)
- The key to setting yourself up for success in divorce is preparation. (43:47)
Learn more about Debra:
Debra is a Certified Divorce Coach, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, Pre-Mediation Divorce Coach, Family Court Mediator, and the author of High-Conflict Divorce for Women. In addition to working one-on-one with clients, Debra spends time teaching and mentoring new divorce coaches. She is the instructor for the High Conflict portion of the CDC Certified Divorce Coach program, a long-time mentor coach for the CDC program, and is a co-founder and master educator at Divorce Coaches Academy - an online continuing education platform for professional divorce coaches.
She is committed to helping clients speak up for what they deserve in their relationships or at the negotiating table. In her practice, she works one-on-one with clients to help them prepare for a kinder, gentler divorce by providing the practical support and financial information clients need to punch fear in the face.
Debra is dedicated to the profession of divorce coaching and its role as a method of alternative dispute resolution. She believes that while all divorce involves some degree of conflict, most of us have much more influence on the cost and the outcome than we realize - and much of that revolves around HOW we approach and respond to that conflict.
Resources & Links:
Show notes and resources may also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/conflict-in-divorce-with-debra-doak/
Debra's website
Debra on Instagram
Debra on Facebook
Debra on LinkedIn
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Are you ready to learn from one of the world's top divorce experts and set yourself on the path towards the best possible outcome?
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Welcome to the Divorce Survival Guide podcast, where we have open and honest conversations about co-parenting, separation, divorce, and the hardest question of all, should you stay or should you go. |
| 0:17.7 | I'm Kate Anthony, your divorce survival guide, and I'm here to help you navigate |
| 0:22.8 | some of the roughest waters you've ever swum in and answer some of your toughest questions. |
| 0:28.5 | I've been to hell and back, and now it's my mission in life to help you get to the other side |
| 0:34.2 | of this process with your sanity and your heart intact. |
| 0:42.2 | Hey everyone, welcome back. How's everyone doing? Happy March. I can't believe it's March already. |
| 0:49.5 | Y'all, it's March already. It's crazy. Even though January lasted like seven years. Today I have my friend |
| 0:59.6 | Deborah Doak. Deborah hasn't been on the podcast for a while, and I realized that a little while ago. |
| 1:04.8 | She's like one of my favorite Instagram pages on divorce, and I was going and I was looking at |
| 1:10.0 | her stuff and I was like, oh my God, we haven't done this in a while. So we did it. As many of you know, Deborah is a |
| 1:15.7 | certified divorce coach. She is a certified divorce financial analyst. She is a premediation |
| 1:22.1 | divorce coach, a family court mediator, hello, and the author of the High Conflict Divorce for Women, which is a great, |
| 1:31.4 | great book. So in addition to working one-on-one with clients, Deborah spends time teaching and |
| 1:37.0 | mentoring new divorce coaches. She is the instructor for the high-conflict portion of the CDC, |
| 1:44.1 | which is the certified divorce coach program, a longtime mentor mentor coach for the CDC program and is a co-founder and master educator at Divorce Coaches Academy, an online continuing education platform for professional divorce coaches. |
| 1:57.9 | How awesome is that. |
| 1:59.5 | This woman, this woman knows her stuff, y'all. Before we get |
| 2:02.9 | into my conversation with Deborah on, we're talking today about conflict, what it is, |
| 2:09.7 | what causes it to escalate in divorce and all of the things, all the things conflict. So, |
| 2:16.5 | but before we get into that, just a couple little |
| 2:18.4 | housekeeping things I want to let you know about. The first is that, as I've mentioned, I am mid-revision. |
| 2:25.0 | I am going through my should I stay or should I go program and revising the entire thing, |
... |
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