Slavoj Žižek, Friedrich Nietzsche, Kehinde Andrews – the world has never been short of bad philosophers. But of all the minds who have graced, tortured, or otherwise afflicted human history, which one truly deserves the title: The World's Worst Philosopher?

That's not an easy question; after all, philosophy has given us so many options. When Dan Dennett denied consciousness, was that the silliest claim ever made? What should we think when once sensible people – Philip Goff – convert to Christianity? Is Robert Wright, in fact, Robert Wrong? Is it the wartime quartet, or the woke-time bore-tet? Did Bentham really support bestiality? And why did David Papineau say that thing about women?

Philosophers are supposed to be seekers of truth: lofty creatures aiming at wisdom, clarity, and the betterment of humanity. But philosophers are just people, shaped by forces that lead them astray. Sometimes they miss truth entirely; sometimes they stumble into it through terrible reasoning; and sometimes they make the world a genuinely worse place.

Which brings us to the task at hand: trying to rank the worst philosopher in history. It's no easy feat. In fact, it's going to require the combined efforts of three of philosophy's greatest minds: Jack Symes, Andrew Horton, and (me) Olly Marley.

This episode may also mark the end of our professional careers. But if we're going down, we'll go down like Socrates: making an unnecessarily big deal out of something that, absolutely, could have been easily avoided.