Friends, countrymen, Russians.

We are gathered here today to pay tribute to the life, works, and legacy of a dear friend of all of ours.

Geronimo, the alpaca.

For the mere crime of having had Geronimo, the alpaca.

For the mere crime of having had at some point in the past bovine tuberculosis,

and now by all accounts, not having it,

Geronimo was put to death at 1100 hours on the morning of recording by the coward, Kirstama.

Though you may be gone from our lives, Geronimo,

we will never forget the day you first came into them,

about two weeks ago when this story started.

We've laughed, we've cried,

and ultimately I think we've all learned something.

Moreover, leader of the opposition,

Sir Kierstama, being held personally responsible for the death of a beloved alpaca,

is going to play extremely well on the doorstep in Hartlepool. Alice, you knew Geronimo better

than any of us. That's true. What is your most abiding memory of our dear mutual friend?

Well, he actually got me started in this business.

And I, you know, I was very worried about recording podcasts.

But he, you know, he told me, you just, you have to, like, be aggressive and you have to be unrelenting.

As unrelenting as the bovine tuberculosis, the ravaged his alpaca body. You have to be unrelenting, as unrelenting as the bovine tuberculosis, the ravaged, his alpaca body.

You have to never, ever, ever concede anything to the listener.

And really, you know, he just gave me permission to be weird.

...