Hi, welcome to Hollywood crime scene. This is Rachel Fisher. Hi, this is Desi Jatakan. Let's start at the show by thanking our lovely Patreon contributors. They donated over at patreon.com slash Hollywood crime scene. This week we had Jessica Kate Helen Laura Ariel Tanny Natasha Haley Luke Row,

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Okay, so this week we're doing an old Hollywood classic and that is the story of one time starlit Barbara Peyton, who is probably more well known for her scandalous personal life and her tragic downfall than she is for her acting career. My primary source for this is her autobiography that has one of the all time greatest titles. I am not ashamed. I mean, that's a mantra for all of us. I think everyone who's everyone who listens to the show. Yeah, that's our mantra.

Seriously, I actually when I saw her her memoir or autobiography, I was kind of like, I'm actually upset because that would be a great title for mine. Yeah, it's a, it's a really good book. I don't know if she's the most trustworthy narrator, but it's an interesting story nonetheless, but I'm going to take her for her word.

Because you know what? Why not? She's not ashamed. So I was actually lucky enough to have ordered special ordered this from my local library before everything shut down. Otherwise, I wouldn't have had it. And it's honestly the most the best source for this story because online, it's like pretty much the same thing. You're not getting any really good details.

That's why I like reading the books for research, especially if it's a memoir because they you can get some details you otherwise wouldn't get.

Right. So I think you can get this book on that open source online because I originally had booked it there. So if you want to try to get it, it's pretty hard to find. But I do think it's worth trying to find.

When your library is open up or whatever, it would be a good book club pick for the Hollywood crime scene book club ladies who I know are reading. I think Scotty Bauer books right now.

Or Scotty Bauer's book. Sorry. That's correct that. It's trying to make crazy. So I'm going to start off by reading a part of the pro long of the book because I feel like it will set up our story really nicely.

And this is from Barbara's book. These are her words. In 1950, a year of unspecicular, unspecicular note in history except for a Korean skirmish, I was sitting on top of the world and going higher.

My peculiar acting talents were worth 10,000 a week and I was in constant demand. Boy, everyone wanted me. I know it sounds unbelievable, but it's true that Gregory Pek, Guy Madison Howard, who's in other big names were dating me almost everything I did made headlines.

One escape paid resulted in a headline Barbara takes near nude sun bath judge complaints. I was such a hot new hot news that the papers didn't even have to use my last name. Everyone knew who Barbara was. It was like Eva Lana or Frankie.

I was in love crazy in love with one man, Tom Neil. And I was engaged to and later married the actor with the most class in Hollywood, Fran Showtown. In other words, I was the queen bee, the nuts and the nuts and boiling hot.

The nuts, like an old saying, did she call the Korean war a skirmish? Yes. Look, Barbara has her own way about things, Rachel. The odds were a million to one I'd grow old with 20 servants, three swimming pools and a personal masseuse plus and a doring husband. You should have taken the odds. Today, right now, I live in a rat roach, their friends, infested apartment with not a bean to my name and I drink too much rosé wine. I don't like what my scale tells me.

The little money I do accumulate to pay the rent comes from old residuals poetry and favors to men. I love the Negro race and I will accept money only from Negroes. She becomes a prostitute and only takes on black male clients, by the way. That's what she's talking about there. Does it all sound depressing to you?

I'm not ashamed. I have hope. I don't live in rosy hazed memory. I look to the future. That's how she starts her memoir or autobiography. What is the difference between an autobiography and a memoir?

Honestly, I was thinking that every time I was trying to describe it. I was like, is memoir more like, I think this is what I have. I don't know. She wrote this with a ghost writer, by the way, because when she wrote this, she's in a bad state. We'll get to that near the end.

That's a hell of a way to draw people into your book, though. Yeah. Because you're like, what's going on with this lady? Yeah. I mean, she's not ashamed. The title. You got to think there's something coming up that most people might feel ashamed about.

If the title didn't draw you in, the first page is dead. Yeah, that's literally the opening. So let's get started on the story of Barbara Payton. Now, Barbara Payton was born in Minnesota to flip and mabel Redfield on November 17th, 1927.

The family eventually moves to Odessa, Texas, where flip starts his own business, which is an enclave of tourist cabins called the antlers court and a booming oil town.

Flip is described as hardworking and difficult with a temper. It's a classic old school family with a mom, basically the primary caretaker and homemaker and the dad, a miserable asshole.

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