Episode 12: Overcoming the Pain of Divorce

The Best of You

Dr. Alison Cook

Health & Fitness, Mental Health

5 • 710 Ratings

🗓️ 21 July 2022

⏱️ 61 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Divorce is so rarely discussed yet it touches all of us—whether you've gone through a divorce or love someone who has. That’s why I’m so grateful that Eryn Eddy bravely went there with me today. This is such an honest conversation about the pain of divorce—and the compounded pain that comes afterward. She speaks with nuance & humility about the loneliness of a distant marriage, and how discovering the secrets that led to that distance didn’t come out until after she’d shouldered most of the blame. She is upfront about owning her own stuff, even as she *finally* realized it was not her job to own his. Before we dive in, I want to highlight 2 points: —If someone is telling you: “If you were more godly or if you were more loving, then HE wouldn’t do XYZ (porn, cheat, drink. . .)” that’s called *blame shifting* and it’s toxic. —If your spouse is narcissistic, couples therapy likely won’t work. And it could end up hurting you. (See this episode podcast page for resources.) Here’s what we discuss in this episode: 1. You can be loved well as a child and still bump up against toxicity in your adult relationships 2. How doing all the “right things” didn’t work. 3. How the pursuit of attention outside of marriage is often more subtle than we like to admit 4. Why loneliness or pain in marriage is so hard to talk about 5. How secrecy in marriage can lead to confusion and self-blame 6. How Eryn learned to “date herself” and find validation apart from men 7. Why it’s important to both own our mistakes *and* show compassion to ourselves for what we do when we are in pain 8. How she learned to trust a new therapist after a bad experience Connect with Eryn on Instagram @eryneddy or @soworthloving www.eryneddy.com www.soworthloving.com Find a list of resources for this episode here. Sign up to receive Dr. Cook’s weekly email and receive 2 free e-books and a guided prayer reflection here. Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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1:23.9	Hey, everyone. I'm Dr. Allison, and I'm so glad you're here to discover what brings out the best of you.
1:30.8	This podcast is all about breaking free from painful patterns, mending the past, and discovering our true selves in God.
1:38.4	I can't wait to get started as we learn together how to become the best version of who we are with God's help.
1:48.6	Hey, everyone. Welcome back to this last episode in this series on real people overcoming real problems.
1:56.7	This episode meant so much to me. It was so important for me to include this in this series because I have so many clients. I have so many friends. I know so many people who are dealing with really painful divorces, whether it's the aftermath of a painful divorce, the decision to get a divorce. This is a really hard topic,
2:19.3	and I just love the way today's guest engages this topic with nuance. She doesn't blame anybody.
2:27.1	There are elements of her story. You can tell she works very hard to only speak about it from her
	...

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