Hello, and for those you are not interested in the update and the rambling, the piece actually begins about 45 minutes in and enjoy.

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for joining us. Once again, it is the Nightly Pleasures podcast, episode number 100.

Ah! And that is a episode number that I do not have to look up or remember.

I thought because it was such a momentous occasion that I would just go ahead and start off talking from the heart and just sort of give you guys an update about where we are,

where things are at, where I'm putting my energy, how things are going, more or less.

The first thing that I want to do is start off with a hope, and that is, I hope you've noticed in 2018

that I've by and large had a better energy.

My attitude, my disposition, my leanings,

and of course my energy level. I feel like all of these things are

better. I feel like the state of myself and my life and my project, things are going pretty

okay overall. I'm not where I want to be, but I'm also, every time I look at it,

in the facets that I want to be growing and what have you. If I ask myself the question,

are you better off than you were three months ago, a year ago, five years ago, the answer always comes back. Yes,

yes, yes. And so there's not a lot to complain or worry or or delve into too much there.

But the simple truth of the matter is the number one thing, I think, that's still holding me back at this point is my

self-esteem. And my view of myself, and I've gotten into this quite a bit, especially during

more candid moments during live shows, et cetera, or questions on the podcast that sort of caught me by surprise.

But even though this is a weird and strange time for me, and it's a very trying time for me,

there's a lot of efforts to maintain a lot of

parts of the project that I'm trying to grow. And then also, of course, the news and everything

going on in the world is pretty draining. Let's just face it. What I'm really trying to do, what I've been trying to do this whole time, well, physically healing up as well,

and I'll get more to that in a second, is repair that, repair that sense of self.

...